Sorry I haven't posted in quite some time, but I've been really busy lately, and I've just been storing up some thoughts so I can spew them all out in one big, nasty mess.
Something that's been on my mind for some time now is the ever-present issue of dating. I have had some pretty lame experiences with relationships, and this past Fall semester, I was a real mess. Of course, I know some very nice, Jesus-lovin' girls, both on campus and off, but I don't think it's a good time for a dating relationship of any kind in my life right now. So, I've made a pact with God to stay out of such a relationship at least until the end of this school year. That may sound weird to some reading this, but I haven't heard anything contrary to my own feelings from God, so I figure this is the right way for now. I wanted to make sure that I don't get myself into trouble again, and making a pact with God seemed to be the best option. Just the other day, I had some good time with Him where I just laid it all out...what I think about all this, the path that I feel is correct...and the fact that I want His will to be done in my life, whether I think it's "right" for me or not. One problem is that I have a lot of bad fears about being in a relationship that have gone a bit past just caution, and that I know didn't come from God. I have to be careful to tune out my own thoughts about this and listen to what God tells me, or else I might miss something important.
I would LIKE to keep this pact through the summer as well. Shouldn't be too difficult, since starting relationships at camp isn't necessarily the best idea, anyways. Camp relationships have to be handled REALLY maturely, or else they might really mess with the community.
I've also been thinking a lot lately about what (assuming I will be in a dating relationship again, hahaha) I would want my next relationship to look like. I've been going over what was wrong with my previous relationships, and also what was good about them. The next one will be quite different, I think. I don't want to be so dependent on the other person as I was, and I certainly don't want a girl that is more dependent on me than she is on God...don't ever let that happen. There's a lot more than just this, but that's probably the biggest thing.
I believe I've already spoken a little on this in "Journal Entry 1," but I believe that the ultimate purpose of a relationship needs to be to glorify God, just as everything else in our lives should be. It's not to make yourself happy; it's not to make the other person happy; it's not to make yourself better; it's not to make the other person better. It's all about God. The end.
So, here I am. What can I do but wait on God's leading? If it's in His will, He will bring it to pass, so I don't have to worry myself over it.
Tomorrow is the beginning of Choir Tour, and it's ridiculous how not excited I am for it. I'm really glad I won't have to take choir again. It's been a lot of fun, but it takes up way more time than any 1-credit class ever should, and it doesn't mean anything for my new major anways. Whatevs.
I've felt like, not myself lately. I think it's because of all these thoughts. Might also be because of the lameness of school lately. Yeah...it's probably mostly that second one, actually.
Yup. This is basically what I've been dealing with lately. Hope it's shed some light on Casey Butler's mind for ya.
One of my Otrhodox friends here on campus suggested something to me a while back. Now, to get the full effect of what this is saying, you have to have a really open mind and think really deeply about it:
"Heaven and hell may or may not be the same place."
That thought made my head explode when I first heard it, and I think it just did again. My head can't even stand to concentrate on that thought longer than like, 3 seconds, hahaha! Have fun.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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