Thanksgiving

So, let it be known that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love spending time with friends and family, and it's just so much more relaxed during this time than at Christmas.

This Thanksgiving is the first time I've ever had to travel home for a holiday. At first, I wasn't really excited to go across the country again, but as soon as I landed in the Grand Rapids airport my opinions about it changed. Without getting into all the separate stories, I'll say that my friends have given me a royal welcome back to Michigan. Some people have expressed jealousy at what I'M doing with my life, but after hearing how things are going here...I'm pretty envious of them in return. It's all made me very homesick.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE where I'm at in life. My several previous posts about how happy I am...I'm not saying any of that is untrue. I'm really living my own dream. But damn, I've missed my friends and family here.

I spent some time verbally processing all of this in depth with one of my close friends tonight. For a lot of selfish reasons, staying in New Mexico for a while would be absolutely phenomenal. For a lot of less selfish (but still personally appealing) reasons, moving back to Grand Rapids is also a great idea. Either way, I know I would be very happy with my decision. I'm in a rather hard spot right now, and I know both Thanksgiving celebrations I'm going to tomorrow are only going to make it harder. At least I'm having this crisis right now, when I have time to think about it. Anyway, I'd appreciate any wisdom, thoughts, and prayers you can offer.

Really didn't think coming back to Michigan was going to be this hard on me.

Peace.

Too good

So, I know I've talked before about how nice my new living situation is, but seriously. I can't emphasize enough how happy I am living here. This is the happiest I have been with my life in a very long time. I spent a lot of time thinking about it this week, and realized I have the basic elements I want in life: a house with a fireplace, a job I love, and a home in the mountains. Those seem pretty simple, and probably lame to some people, but it's legitimately all I want. I was trying to tell this to my roommate tonight and couldn't even do it without crying. I'm trying to make healthier decisions in my life: physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially. Things are going so well, I can hardly believe it. Sure, maybe some details aren't exactly how I want them to be, but in general, I can't ask for anything more than what I have here at Glorieta.

Short post, but I just had to say that.

Peace.

Resurrection

"He began to reflect: there was nothing foul, no bad act, but there were thoughts, bad thoughts, which were that all his present intentions - marrying Katyusha and giving the land away to the peasants - that all this was an unrealizable dream, that he would not carry it to its conclusion, that it was all artificial, unnatural, and that he ought to live as he had been living.

"There was no bad act, but there was something much worse than a bad act: there were those thoughts from which spring all bad deeds. A bad act may not be repeated, and one may repent of it; but evil thoughts generate all evil deeds.

"A bad act only smooths out the path for other bad acts; bad thoughts irresistibly drag one down that path."

~Tolstoy, "Resurrection"

So, there's that. I had no idea reading a Tolstoy book would have an impact on my spiritual life, and yet as I read it today I realised this is, in fact, the case. I have seen the truth of the above words in my own life. Life in Grand Rapids is easy and good, and I have become lazy in my mind and spirit here. I have finally seen some of the wickedness which has crept into my mind, and it pains me to realise I have left it alone for so long. I miss the teachings of Jesus, the words of life I have taken for granted, the community of the church. Having realised these things, now is the time for spiritual and physical action. Please pray for me as I seek God's guidance.

Peace.

The Great Michigan West

So, as many of you may know, I have been living on a friend's couch in Grand Rapids since last December. You may also know I am finally about to move into a new apartment on the west side of Grand Rapids tomorrow with one of my best friends, Andrew. I am beyond excited. Andrew and I have been friends since high school, and we were even roommates in college (which was AWESOME). Along with all this, I'll also be starting a new job at Ottawa County Parks, one which will pay well and I'll love.

This will be one of the most permanent moves I have made. I'm trying to take everything I would want to take out West with me when I move (hopefully summer 2015). I boxed up a bunch of clothes I'm giving away and threw out a lot of junk I've been holding onto for years. This is a really big deal to me, especially since I've never signed a serious lease before. It's almost like I'm grown up. Almost.

Since I am so excited about this, I've decided to make it even better. Tomorrow when I leave my house in Williamston, I won't be taking the highway to Grand Rapids. As it turns out, Grand River Ave. goes all the way from my house to our new apartment in Standale. Certainly, it changes names through Grand Rapids, but it's pretty much a straight shot all the way there. I'll be blasting my favourite music all the way there on my new car stereo, riding west toward my new home. This short road trip is the start of a new life of adventure.

In a sense, I'll be officially starting my trip out West, riding into destiny.

I am West Bound.

Peace.

Camp again!

So, as most of you have likely heard, I am now working for a YMCA camp south of Grand Rapids on the weekends. I cannot explain how relieved I am to be working at a camp again. The thought of getting a summer job there...I have missed the camp atmosphere so much. It is very much like visiting my home town after years of absence.

As I said, I am only working weekends there right now, but in a few weeks I will be interviewing for a summer Nature Specialist position for which my boss is currently interviewing people. I need to bring three outlines (for three different age groups) for a day's curriculum I would use in their nature center. I am very excited for this opportunity because in interviewing for other jobs, I have never had to really prove I am qualified for a position. It is a personal challenge, and one I am very excited about.

Also coming up in a few weeks, one of my best friends, Andrew, and I should be moving into our own apartment in Grand Rapids. This is also a personal challenge for me, for although I have been living on my own for some time now, this will be the first time I will live in a place where I do not know the landlord/homeowner, and will be the most binding lease I have signed up to this point. It is also very exciting for me because Andrew actually wants to move out West with me, and so I will be living with someone who has a common goal instead of with people who want me to stick around Michigan. This will help motivate both of us to action.

I have been reading a lot lately, which has made me feel much better than normal. I put up my Thoreau book for a while and read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," which was phenomenal. Several books I read this fall referenced this one by way of stating it had a profound impact on this person or that author, so when I saw it in a bookstore I decided it would be worth my time and money. This was absolutely true. It is both a modern philosophy book and a story based on true events. The author, Robert Pirsig, is a very skilled author and philosopher in my opinion. The book had a lot of great thoughts on art, living intentionally, and living with quality in mind. It is rather hard for me to explain (literary analysis was never one of my strong points), but I would highly recommend it if you want to really think while you're reading and are open to reading some very interesting philosophy.

Now I am back to my Thoreau book, which is also full of its own philosophy.

Peace.

Internal thoughts

So, living in Grand Rapids has been very good for me thus far. I have a job, I live in a house full of friends, I reside in the city I have wanted to live in for about four years, and I am keeping up with the friendships which matter most to me. One could say I have the makings of a very fulfilled life, and they would not be wrong in saying it.

During my time here, I have had some good realisations about myself. First, one which has been a gradual realisation over the past several years, is that I have a very restless spirit. It is difficult for me to stay living in one place and working one job for a long time. I love change, new scenery, and traveling. The desire to just leave without a real destination is very strong in me. Winter exacerbates these qualities. "Cabin fever" has almost driven me to make very unwise decisions on multiple occasions. A friend recently said I seem less happy lately, and I would blame this as the root cause.

Second, although I have a wanderer's spirit, I also have a strong sense of responsibility which, more often than any other single factor, is the one thing which keeps me from following through on some of my crazier ideas. It is this sense of responsibility/loyalty which keeps me from immediately moving across the country. I do not want to go back on plans I have made with others. Although I do this with regularity, some things seem more important to me than others. If I tell you I want you to travel across the country with me, rest assured I mean it. If I leave without giving you a chance to come with me...that is something I cannot allow myself to do. Keeping my word is important to me; in light of this, I do not give it often. Business must be resolved before the wandering can commence.

Third, I have realised how incredibly internalised my thoughts and feelings are, and how easy it is for me to slip into my own mind and shut out the outside world. My own views on all kinds of matters are so personal to me, and my own confusion on issues which many consider "black-and-white" is so great, the vast majority of people only think they know my opinion. I fear what people think of me, so when I find myself in disagreement with someone, I often respond in ways which avoid the conflict instead of facing it. This is especially true regarding theological issues. Oops.

My mind is, in effect, my log cabin in the mountains. This is where my dearest dreams grow and flourish, where I can go to be at peace from others. It can be very lonely at times, but I have not yet found someone to whom I feel completely safe giving a key. Not to say I have no friends who I allow in at times (some are regular guests, in fact); I simply have not yet found a person with whom I can truly share this space with.

Perhaps this describes all of us. We all are the kings and queens of our own castles, keeping out the riff-raff and allowing only those closest to us in for any amount of time. The mind is a beautiful place. Dreams and imaginations bigger than the universe are found there, creativity with no limits. Our innermost being is also found here: the person we really are, or at least perceive we really are; the person we want others to know, and yet the person we are afraid to reveal at the same time. Being open means being vulnerable.

The thought has often crossed my mind to begin speaking completely open, being forward and blunt with my thoughts and emotions. Not to the point of hurting someone with my words, of course, but also not allowing fear to dictate my communications. Telling someone "I think you are beautiful" without fear, giving a stranger a hug because it looks like they need one, stopping on the side of the road to see if they need help...the sort of chivalrous things we all say we believe are good and right, but which few of us actually do with any regularity.

I have been reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," and it has been very insightful so far. It is likely the reason I have been thinking about all these things. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Peace.

A New Year

So, looking back on 2013, I'm inclined to call it a year of reconciliation for myself. Several very close friendships were restored and my relationship with my dad finally received some important healing. Brian "Head" Welch, from the band Korn, used this term in reference to 2013, and I agreed with his assessment.

I have decided that 2014 is going to be a year of education. Tomorrow, I start an Introduction to Genetics and Evolution class, and Monday I start Dinosaur Paleobiology. Both are online through Coursera.org, a program which partners with major universities around the world to offer a large number of free online classes to anyone. I am very excited to start both classes, and they are both going to help me become more connected with the paleontological field. Until I am able to either find a job in that area or at least take more formal classes to further my education in it, I am planning on continuously taking free online courses of this nature. It will help me stay interested and on track with my life goals.

That being said, if anyone is interested in taking these courses along with me, it IS free, and I would love to discuss them with you!

Peace.

The Mongolian Connection

So, I have always been a traveler. You could say I am afflicted with chronic wanderlust. I have often thought about living overseas for an extended amount of time. The idea of visiting a place for a few weeks does not particularly appeal to me as much as living somewhere for a few months, or even years. I want to really understand and experience any culture to which I am being introduced.

You may be surprised to hear in this context that I have never really wanted nor felt called to overseas missions work. It has not even mildly interested me in the past, even though I still plan on living in a different country (or countries) for several years of my life. Short-term missions in particular are what have made me dislike the idea of becoming a missionary. If I were to go into the mission field, it would be for an amount of time which would really get me into a culture, enough so I could be a citizen if I bothered with that process.

Due to its barren, wild landscape, interesting culture and history, and numerous important paleontological sites, Mongolia has always piqued my interest, one of the only Asian countries to do so.

This summer, a group called the Freedom Tour came through Lansing and held a weekend event at a local church. I attended on the last evening of it. During this time, they had everyone come up at least once to be prayed over and ask God for their calling, purpose, what they were made for, etc. Someone would be praying for you specifically and asking God for pictures and words about you, and another person would be writing it down. I went up for this. Among other things they said about me in which I could see God's truth, one of the words was something about being a light in Asia for God. They did say wheter anything which was prayed over me did or did not match up with what I already knew about God's calling for my life, pray about all of it. Since I had never considered missions work before (and especially not in Asia), I just took it in stride, although my mind went immediately to Mongolia as the only place which I would really consider.

Fast forward to this evening. I was at an event at the Furnace Prayer Room in East Lansing. A young man named Tyler was presenting something called the Ekballo Project, his idea for missions to the Himalayan region. During this time, I was reminded of what was said to me at the Freedom Tour event. I have become more acclimated to living in a more difficult situation, and although I have certain goals I am currently trying to attain, I would no longer put overseas missions out of the realm of possibility. With all of this in mind, I went up to the fellow after the presentation and prayer time was over and was about to ask if he could pray for me about this as a possibility for the future. Before I could ask, though, he said, "Have we met? Were you at the Freedom Tour this past year in Lansing?"

Whoa. As it turns out, this was in fact the same guy who had prayed over me at the event this summer! Now here I am asking for prayer about the very same things which were brought up at that time which are now in my head again. How very interesting.

Naturally, I would very much appreciate it if you all would pray God would guide me regarding the possibility of future missions to Mongolia. I will be praying a lot about it myself. Thank you.

Also, I finally have a job again! I am now working for Two Men and a Truck in Grand Rapids, where I will be living most of the week. My friend Andrew and I will hopefully be moved here fully in January.

Peace.

Solitude

So, not quite in contrast to my last post, but rather in spite of it, I have been feeling rather solitary since getting back from Idaho. We did not spend very much time around groups of people; it was really just Taylor, myself, and the farm owners most of the time. This probably had an effect on me. Fortunately, one result of this has been an increase in reading, which is great. I did not read for pleasure all through college, and it has taken some time for me to get back into the habit even after graduating. Since I have not spent much time around groups of people, I have also had a lot more time to think to myself. Being a natural introvert, all of this has been wonderful for me.

At the same time, it has felt a little strange. I have felt less inclined to take part in social situations. I suppose you could say I have been "peopled out." One-on-one time with friends has always appealed to me more, but now even more so than before. I do not think it is a bad thing, just a slight change.

I am still reading through some works of Thoreau, and probably will continue for some time. So far, he has really hit home in me with a lot of his ideas about nature and life. He strongly thinks that what happens to a man in nature can almost never be bad. Mosquitoes, cold weather, damp clothes...he practically embraces these experiences. The crazy part is...I feel similarly. We think that warmth and little work are the best ways to live; I would rather say many "comforts" keep us from actually living. To me, the wind howling through the treetops is a better comfort than the air conditioner on a hot day; a walk in the rain better than reclining on a couch; sleeping on the ground better than in a bed; the bite of a mosquito better than spending my days protected from the world; soggy shoes better than feet which are only used to go to work and back.

"Cold and damp are as rich experiences as warmth and dryness." ~ Thoreau

When you remove the mindset of "cold and damp are bad things and must be avoided at all costs," it really changes how you live. You become less afraid of "uncomfortable" experiences, and even begin to embrace them. Not only are those things full of their own richness of experience (strange as that may seem to some), but they serve to magnify the experiences we normally seek out. Sitting in front of a fire reading a book is infinitely more enjoyable and relaxing after a hard day's work in the field with wet shoes, for example. Changing my perspective on comfort was a very important moment for me, and it is continually helping me to live life more fully.

Peace.

Westward 2013, debrief

SO, blogosphere, it appears that the King of the Wild Frontier has returned from his latest adventure and is ready to resume his online thought processing!

Most of you have heard my trip to Idaho was full of rewarding work and beautiful scenery. I could stop there, and it would be entirely accurate...but for those who want more, allow me to expound.

The trip out was an experience in and of itself. My friend Taylor and I camped in National Forests for free most of the way. We heard wolves in the mountains near one campsite, slept practically on the Continental Divide, and paid an arm and a leg to do next to nothing in Yellowstone National Park.

Once we got to the farm, things got even better. It was situated between three separate ranges of the Rockies (the Selkirks, Purcells, and Cabinets), and was far from any serious human clutter and noise. There was a small line of mountains right behind the farm, and I summited two of the peaks in one day: Line Point and Goat Mountain. Unfortunately, I neglected to plan well enough and almost had to spend the night on a mountainside in grizzly bear country. Heh, whoops.

The job itself was great. Good, hard work four days a week, and three-day weekends. I also realised how much farm work of this sort suits me. This should not have come as a surprise to me, as almost my entire family is comprised of farmers going back generations. I would strongly consider working for a similar farm (or even the same one) full-time whenever I settle down.

Our time on the farm (Ronniger's Organics, in case you were wondering) did include one very untimely event, though. Another intern who had been working there since around May shot and killed himself in his own cabin, which was just a hundred or so yards from our cabin and the owners' home. This came as a shock to everyone, and made things hard for quite some time. I have never dealt with death before, and especially not suicide. I am unsure what else to say about it, really...I was not particularly close to him, but our boss Simon was good friends with him, and he took it very hard for a while. Taylor and I just tried to keep our minds off it.

Changing topics completely now, I kept a journal every single day of the trip except five days while we were at the Barter Faire, which I will discuss later. Journaling regularly is something I have always wanted to do, but have never felt quite able or motivated enough to actually accomplish. It truly helped me to process my thoughts on a daily basis, kept me reading and writing, and strengthened my resolve to pursue some of my personal goals. I may post one or two journal entries here when I get the chance. I used my journal to also practice writing in general, and it is full of edits, so the posts will not be as raw as they are in their current state.

As I mentioned, I also read quite a bit. I finished "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer, the story of Chris McCandless, who abandoned everything he had after college to search for something...purpose, himself, the meaning of life, a real existence, God...he died alone in the Alaskan wilderness. His search, though, resounded in my soul, and showed what one young man can (and cannot) do if he sets his mind to it.

Next, I read "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," an abstract Christian nature theology book by Annie Dillard which explores both the wonder and horror displayed in Creation. Very interesting and even beautiful at times, but very difficult to read. The descriptions of her experiences with the Spirit of God in nature really hit home in me.

A book which I have been trying to read for almost two years now, "'Hunting Trips of a Ranchman' and 'The Wilderness Hunter'" by Theodore Roosevelt, saw its completion on this trip. Roosevelt's descriptions of the West and life on the old prairie are the stuff of legend: tales of hunting grizzly bears, sleeping in buffalo robes, and heading out on horseback for days with nothing but a blanket, a gun, and some bread and water.

I also began reading some Henry David Thoreau, whose writings were referenced by Krakauer and Dillard. His longings for solitude in nature, yet also true friendship, also echo deep in my soul. I have yet to finish the compilation of his works I am reading, though, so I have not fully developed my thoughts on him yet.

Now, before finishing up, let me quickly explain the Barter Faire, which I mentioned in passing earlier. It is actually called the Okanogan Family Faire, and is located roughly in central Washington. The fair takes place over about five days, and is a combination of a giant farmers' market, a music festival, a county fair, and a hippie festival...and I am very serious about the hippies. This place was almost like a dream come true for me: trading vegetables for other goods, working and having fun at the same time, and giant, intense drum circles all night long. Yes, drum circles. The event was basically the end of our time working at the farm, and certainly was a great way to finish the season, as Simon told us it would be.

All in all, my time in Idaho served to shape me more fully as a man. I will always have room to grow, of course, but I can identify very specific areas of growth. First, again as mentioned earlier, my resolve was strengthened. Through helping me identify what I truly value in life (that is, who and whose opinions are important to me, my true passions and life goals, and the lifestyle I want to pursue), God strengthened my motivation to take certain steps. These include: moving out of the Lansing area and living with my friend Andrew (who is also trying to move forward in life and chase the westward dream), educating myself on geology and paleontology for now, and saving up to move to Durango, CO as soon as possible. Several occurrences prior to my departure and the lessons I learned while in Idaho have made it clear that the time to sit and wait is over: now is the time for action. So, Andrew and I are moving to Grand Rapids this January, where we will be working and getting ready to eventually move away.

Second, I learned about working hard and working over your scheduled time in order to complete a job. Perhaps it was easier because I enjoyed the job so much, but my time on the farm helped me understand the importance of work in life. I do not view work as a bad thing, or as something I must do in order to make a living, but rather as an opportunity to serve others and build up oneself at the same time. I used to complain about staying late at previous jobs, but now I see doing the work well and seeing it to completion is actually quite personally rewarding.

Third, making this trip happen was in itself a very important moment of growth. I have never done something this "crazy" before, but after being on the farm for a few weeks I realised it was not so crazy after all. In fact, it felt right...and almost normal. This realisation was very important for my life in the future. Now I can see doing things like this is both very possible and absolutely fantastic.

I hope this sheds more light on what the trip meant to me. Naturally, there is still much left unsaid, but such is life. I would like to express all the lessons I learned, ways I grew, and experiences I had to all of you, but I simply cannot. They are my own, and belong to no other.

Please, I urge you to take the step you are too afraid to take, shoot for the goal you think impossible, and make your own dreams come true. It can be done, and once you try, you will be living life on a new level. Then, the lessons, growth, and experiences will be all yours. Then, God will show you things about yourself you never imagined.

Peace.

Westward 2013, pre-launch

So, here we are again. The third summer's-end in a row I'm making a trip west. This trip is much different, though. Instead of a vacation, it is a work trip, a seasonal volunteer opportunity, a long road trip, a new temporary home, a chance to unplug myself from most technology and the rest of the world for a season.

The true reality of going to Idaho, however, is it will be a spiritual journey.

I am leaving behind the world I know: my job, my family, my state, my dear friends, my perspectives, most of my belongings, and maybe even a bit of my self. A different life awaits me on the opposite end of this journey. I do not know what it will look like, or if it will "look" different at all.

I will not be the same, though.

A friend told me this would be the case, but also explained how my old ways and thoughts will not be easily shaken off. Change, although encouraged by a new location and lifestyle, still does not come easy. It comes with a price.

I hope to spend a lot of time reading, writing (something I have not done much of before), making music, and experiencing God's beauty in the mountains. The same previously mentioned friend also told me to make intentional goals for my time there in order to get the most out of it and facilitate the change I desire. These goals are probably going to be related to the activities I just mentioned.

This weekend was a very emotional one for me. I hosted a send-off party at my house, and over thirty of my friends came to say goodbye. I received many kind words, and some meaningful gifts...the greatest of these was love. After almost everyone had gone, I realised how much I love my friends, and how much they love me. They truly are my family; not to diminish how much I value my family, but rather to say how much I value my friends. We treat each other as family.

Last night I took one final trip to Grand Rapids to support a friend who was performing a stand-up routine, and to see my best friend Korey. I don't often use specific names on this blog, purposefully so, but it is appropriate to mention him. We could not spend much time together, but it meant so much for us to see each other before I left. He also gave me some very meaningful gifts and words.

One friend commented on how we said goodbye as if we would never see each other again.

It is better to love fully, without holding back, than to keep it inside. Fear of rejection stifles the human desire to be vulnerable with each other.

A famous quote from C.S. Lewis:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

God is slowly showing me what love without fear looks like. Perhaps this is what will be different about me when I return to Michigan once more (I was tempted to write "for the final time" instead of "once more"...a good friend once told me I am very dramatic, but it is a good thing because God made my personality this way, haha. Perhaps "final time" is too dramatic, but who knows?).

On a different note, I am moving out of Lansing today. Tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday I will be traveling around southeast Michigan: cutting bank ties and seeing a few more friends before I go. Friday and Saturday I will be spending some final time in northern Michigan, and Sunday will be a farewell cookout at my church and one last board game with some friends from Lansing.

Labor Day, Monday, September 2, we leave for Idaho.

I know many of you will want to know what is going on while I am there. I will likely not be blogging or using Facebook during my time on the farm, and I have no idea if I will be able to call people using my cell phone. When possible, I would like to send group e-mail updates to those who will read them. If you want, send me an e-mail soon so I can have a list of addresses ready before I leave. No promises on the frequency of these e-mails, but I will try my hardest to keep you informed.

butlerc777@gmail.com

Your prayers are appreciated. Thank you.

Peace.

Father's Day

So, if you read my last post, you know that I was about to try to contact my real dad. Last Monday, I called him. This is pretty much how the conversation went:

"Hey, it's me Casey."

"Casey.......I'm so glad you had the heart to call me, because I just couldn't call you."

"Oh...well, yeah, I was thinking about heading out your way tomorrow or sometime this week; are you free sometime so I can see you?"

"Yeah, my buddy Terry and I are going out to the Wooden Nickel in Dansville right now, and you should come meet us there! That way there will be an extra person, and it won't be as tense."

"Wellll.....alrighty then. See you there!"

To keep it short, I was able to have some time talking with my dad: I told him I forgive him for anything that happened in the past, I don't hold anything against him, and I want to be his son...which is just what he wanted, too. There was lots of hugging. We both agreed that we just want to put the past behind us and be family from now on. The timing was so perfect...we were both ready for it.

Today I got to call him to wish him the first Happy Father's Day I've ever really been able to give, and we talked for a while again. I'm really happy to actually have a more real family now.

God is a good Father.

Peace.

Reconciliation time

So, God is good. I'll just start with that. I had a crazy and excellent weekend, and the crazy is still continuing. I now have a mentor at least for the summer, which is something I've been needing for a while. Thank You Lord. The same day that happened, I also had a very good talk with a friend which, among other great Jesus-things, got me motivated to get in contact with my dad. That's something I've been putting off for months now, but God has confirmed several times that it's finally the right time to sit down and talk with him.

So, thanks to my Uncle Tony, I have my dad's address and phone number. It's going to be awkward, for sure...but so far my uncles have given me enough encouragement, God has confirmed it, and my peers have pushed me enough to prove that it will be good anyway. Next week I'm going to call him and set up a day to go talk to him. Prayers are appreciated.





Last night, Jesus let me know how important this is to him. Of all the things I worry and pray about, He said this one takes precedence. Moving out West, relationships, all that stuff takes a back seat right now to reconciling with my dad. He said that we have a lot to work on, and this is the first thing. So, that's where I'm putting it. I've never had a very good chance to honour my dad as I'm told to do in Scripture, and now it's time.

Also, I received a prophetic picture on Saturday that God has ALREADY confirmed this week...didn't take very long at all. It has to do with how God is using me in my friendships. If you want to know more you can ask me personally, haha, but it just adds to the cool things God is doing.

Good stuff. God stuff. I love it.

Peace.

New job!

So, this is my last week moving furniture for a living, and next week I will start cleaning people's aquariums for a living! I got the job I applied for at Preuss Pets, the best pet store in Michigan. I will be taking a financial hit by working there; however, the work environment and the other staff more than make up for the loss.

This past weekend was a pretty interesting one. There were a couple Christian conferences I went to, which is something I haven't really done before. God taught me how He has freed me from the addictions, fears, and other things that have harmed people in my family...and me. That was something I REALLY needed to hear. He also keeps showing me that He really wants to make things right between my real dad and I, and that He has prepared both of our hearts for it. My uncles on that side of my family also seem to think it's the right time, and have been asking me more and more at family events if I have talked to him yet, haha.

I am now looking at getting to Colorado next spring. The Preuss job will pay less, but I almost have the amount saved that I wanted to by May anyway, so as long as I continue saving money, even small amounts, I will have enough saved for whenever Jesus does send me out there. Until then, Jesus is rockin' house here in Lansing, and I am excited about it! We're hoping to turn the house I'm in into a prayer and worship house. AWESOME.

Also, I will now have weekends a lot more freed up due to getting a new job and Friday night plans changing a bit, so my roommate Garrett and I are planning to have REGULAR short-term camping trips. He's from Colorado (ironic...) and is super outdoorsy like me, so we both need to get out of the city as much as possible. Things are looking good!

Peace.

Lansing...again?

So, I just moved back home almost two months ago. Living at home has been great. Being around my family more, eating homecooked meals, saving money on food and rent, and being in the country...all great things. Driving to Lansing pretty much every day kind of sucks, though, and in a few months when my old roommates move, I won't be able to bum a couch in South Lansing to save gas money.

The other day I visited a friend who lives near downtown Lansing. As I walked around the main floor of his house, I discovered a very, very small, empty bedroom. I asked him about it, and he explained that the landlord had been looking for someone to fill it, that he was a Christian, and this is one of four houses he owns in Lansing which he calls Intentional Faith Communities. After telling me about his current housemates, I started getting all sorts of great ideas about the house and saw a huge potential for what Jesus could do there. I voiced all of this to him, and he said:

"Yup. I've been thinking and praying about all those same things for a while now, and I've just been waiting for someone to come alongside and help."

Whoa.

God has made it very clear that until He gets me to Colorado on His time, I need to not only wait, but also look for why He hasn't taken me there already. So far I've had a hard time seeing the purpose for staying...but this opportunity might at least be part of it. I've been trying to set up a time to meet with his landlord and talk cost for the room, and also calculating out whether or not I could/should rent the room. So far, it looks like something I can do. I would be less than fifteen minutes away from pretty much everything I do in Lansing, and would be able to work more overtime at work (which they're always asking me to do).

I really don't like living in the city, but I'm actually excited for the opportunity presented here. Jesus has really big plans for that house, and I would love to be a part of it.

Peace.

Spring to summer, fatherless to Fathered

So, this post will have a little more thought put into it than my last couple, which have mostly been blurted ideas or vague descriptions of what I've seen God doing lately. Yay for clarity!

First, let it be known that I'm probably not going to Colorado in May/June, like I was talking about. After some thoughts, prayers, and remembering other things God has said to me since I got back from my original trip out there, I've decided it would be better to wait until God presents the right moment instead of forcing His hand. It would also be really nice to have enough extra money to make sure my van is in top condition for making the journey and staying alive once I'm out there, haha.

Soon after I got back to Michigan, I had plenty of people (including people with no invested interest in keeping me around) telling me, "Wow, it sounds like God is definitely going to get you out there! Now, just don't rush His timing!" He's clearly given me confirmation after confirmation that He is going to bring me there...so why should I try to push the timing along myself? God's timing is perfect, and mine is not, so I will trust Him and see what He has in store. My personality leans really heavily toward running away to adventure...so I have to watch out for that in myself. The summer camp I was looking at seemed really awesome, but it never really seemed like it was an opportunity from God, even though I tried really hard to convince myself of it, haha.

All that being said, I'm still praying for August as the date to leave, but I've also given it to God so I don't idolize that time or freak out at Him if it doesn't happen. Who knows? He may have a much better time planned.

I mentioned previously that God has been teaching me lately how He is my Father. After doing a short study on the instances of God being referred to as Father in Scripture, one thing that stood out in connection with those references was God as Teacher. I never had a dad growing up to teach me how to be a Godly man, so seeing this connection has been really helpful. In Matthew chapter twenty-three, Jesus tells us not to call anyone Rabbi, Father, or Teacher, other than Himself/God, because He alone is truly all of those to us. Whoa. God is the One Who can teach us best. He alone is free from error, always truthful, and always looking out for our best interests. Who is a better choice to teach children how to live and grow than their only true Father? No one. God wants us all to grow up together as images of Him on earth. Jesus, our co-heir in the inheritance of the Father, and in a way our big Brother, came first as the perfect example of how to live in our Father's will and thus bring glory to Him.

God gives good gifts to His children (the best, in fact), and what's better is that He always knows exactly what we need most. Even though it may not seem like what we need (especially if it's more like His discipline), our Father only gives good and perfect gifts, and all of them work for the good of His children and for His glory. Wow, what an awesome family we're a part of!

Our Father wants us to rest in His loving arms as His children, knowing we are safe and secure from everything. He runs out to meet us where we are, throwing His robe around us, placing rings on our fingers, and preparing a feast for us with Him at His table. Wow, does He love us! The Creator of the universe, the Great Physician, mighty God, everlasting Father, Prince of peace, Lord of lords, the great I AM...He wants us to be His children, and He loves us. Whoa. If God wants to be our Father, and is the ultimate, perfect fulfillment of what it means to be a father...I still don't get it, haha, but man, that's crazy.

Peace.

Possibilities...

So, here I am, filling out an application for a camp in Colorado. Whoa. I discovered a great-looking camp near Colorado Springs, and if they like my application, I may be moving there as soon as the end of this coming May. That's only three months away!!! This is bizarre.

This evening I calculated out roughly how much I SHOULD and CAN have saved by May. I can have upwards of $1400 in savings by May 11 if I am very, very wise with my money. That will easily get me to Colorado...or at least it should, haha. Defnitely more money than I thought I could have before I did the math.

Now, I was originally planning on moving in August. Getting a job at this camp would mean bumping that up by three months...and halving the time I have left in Michigan. This means I really need to spend quality time with my family and start preparing myself to move far away.

Lots of thoughts. I just can't wait to get out there.

Peace.

More life changes!

So, I haven't posted in a while, I know, but it's because I wanted a few ideas more solidified before I sent them off to the internet.

I am very close to getting a great job. If everything goes through as it seems it will, in two weeks I should start as a delivery driver for a rent-to-own furniture company called Aaron's. On the surface, a delivery driver job doesn't seem to fit my MO, but the benefits, ability to save plenty of money, and transferability are all things I really need in a job right now, and park ranger jobs around here just don't make the cut. There's still a little more processing I need to go through before I'm officially in, though, so your prayers are still appreciated. Getting as far as I have already with this job is very important to the things I talk about next, so it would be really great to not have something fail now, haha.

Also, I've been giving more though to the whole "moving to Colorado" thing, specifically regarding the time frame and prioritizing the steps to get there. First off, for plenty of reasons you can ask me about somewhere else, I'm probably going to be moving home by the end of January. I'll still be spending plenty of time in Lansing with my church and other friends, but I want to be closer to family before I leave, and they take priority. Second, late August in 2013 is my goal for the move, so about nine months from now. Theoretically, this job should allow me to save enough money to move by that time. Since it's a large, nationwide company, I shouldn't have an issue with transferring to Colorado Springs (or somewhere close, at least), meaning I also shouldn't need much of a savings buffer so I can survive while I search for a job.

Lots of hypotheticals in there, if you didn't notice. I've spoken with my pastor (who is also my landlord) and my mom about moving home, but I will be spending the next few weeks praying about all of this. If you would, please pray with me about these three things:

1. The job works out and is as stable as it sounds.
2. I make the right decision on when (and if I should) move home. The date in my head is February 1, 2013.
3. End of August 2013 as a moving date.

Thank you.

Peace.

Life turmoil in 3...

So, as I said in my last post, this is the last week of my park ranger job. People have been praying for me and keeping their eyes open for jobs, and some things are starting to get sorted out.

First, I have an interview this Friday at the Harris Nature Center in Okemos. I already know the workers there and have been volunteering there for a number of years, so I have a good foot in the door to land the position. The job itself would be part time; mostly weekend work from what I know so far. This is exactly the kind of job I want in regards to what it actually is; however, it wouldn't give me enough hours by itself.

Second, a guy I know just told me his workplace is taking referrals for full-time work, and he would like to refer me if I want the job. It would be a third shift factory job...meaning that my sleep schedule will get messed up really fast and that I would be BANKING. He said it would sometimes require weekend work, but because it's third shift, it wouldn't interfere with me leading worship on Sunday mornings nor with the job at the nature center, if I can get either/both of them. The main issue is my upcoming trip to Colorado. Had I known my park ranger job would end so suddenly, I would've bought my ticket sooner and planned it for this month instead of the beginning of October. I almost certainly won't be able to get the factory job if I tell them I need that week-and-a-half off, so I will need to get referred sometime around when I get back to Lansing...and they might not be hiring anymore at that point. My friend who told me doesn't know just yet when the hiring is happening; he'll find out for me soon.

I also put in an application to a security company where one of my good friends works and to two other Ingham County parks, but I haven't heard back from them yet. So far the two jobs above are my best bet, and I would love to land at least one of them.  If I only get the nature center job, I could at least try to pick up more hours at Family Christian Store...as much as I don't want to go back there.

Anyway, I could really use prayer for all this. The factory job would be the best option because I need to save money and start paying things off. If I don't get any of these jobs, I'm in a pretty bad situation, and I don't really know what I will do. Thank you.

Peace.

The Soo

So, I just got back from vacation with my family at Sault Ste. Marie. My grandparents have been going there almost every autumn for the past...many...autumns so my grampa can go fishing. My mom and I went up to visit for an extended weekend since neither of us had been there with my grandparents in seven years. I didn't actually catch anything, but it was a great trip. We went thrift store shopping on the first day, something my family isn't used to doing, and I got to show them what kind of AWESOME things you kind get for super cheap. Alright...maybe their idea of awesome is a little different from mine, but oh well.

My mom and I visited Whitefish Point and Tahquamenon Falls on the second day. Note: the snack shop at Whitefish Point has AWESOME pasties (I had my first one ever there) which they order from Gaylord, and they make their own fudge, which is really fresh and delicious. Tahquamenon Falls was really nice; there are two parks, Upper Falls and Lower Falls, which were formerly only connected to each other by a long, rough dirt trail through the woods...but now it's all boardwalk and asphalt. Definitely an improvement.

Like I said already, I didn't catch any fish at the Soo (Sault Ste. Marie, for any non-Michiganders), but spending time with my grampa was worth it. We went out hours before the sun was up each morning to try to land a big one. This morning, the skies were clear for the first time and we got to watch the stars right before sunrise. I saw a shooting star travel down the handle of the Big Dipper, and Orion is finally back in the sky. It was a good morning.

This is my last full week as an Ingham County park ranger. I'm sad, but I'm hopeful that a new job will come my way soon...one that will help me save more money so I can get out of Lansing for good. I started applying for new jobs this weekend.

Also, my good friend Nate Martin stayed at my house on Labor Day. We walked around the Harris Nature Center in Okemos in the evening, and he took some pictures with his awesome camera. He sent a bunch of them to me, so I'll share some on here.

Peace.