Knowledge

So, I am most of the way through the collected works of Poe, and I have noticed many of his cultural criticisms still hold weight today. Currently, I am reading through "The Colloquy of Monos and Una," and one character is in a monologue describing man's thirst for knowledge. Here is a selection:

"Occasionally the poetic intellect - that intellect which we now feel to have been the most exalted of all...occasionally did this poetic intellect proceed a step farther in the evolving of the vague idea of the philosophic, and find in the mystic parable that tells of the tree of knowledge, and of its forbidden fruit, death-producing, a distinct intimation that knowledge was not meet for man in the infant condition of his soul. And these men - the poets - living and perishing amid the scorn of the 'utilitarians'...these men, the poets, pondered piningly, yet not unwisely, upon the ancient days when out wants were not more simple than our enjoyments keen - days when mirth was a word unknown, so solemnly deep-toned was happiness - holy, august and blissful days, when blue rivers ran undammed, between hills unhewn, into far forest solitudes, primaeval, odorous, and unexplored."

He goes on to describe "knowledge" as "the leading evil." Reading this is astonishing to me, as his words seem only to have gained application and wisdom after all this time. Man's thirst for knowledge has been at an unhealthy level for a long time, and our power over the earth far outscales our discretion.

This would be an appropriate time to say, "It's not that I don't like progress," but I can't actually bring myself to say those words. What we view as "progress" only occurs at great cost to our planet. All of our inventions and great strides, while rapidly increasing our knowledge and capabilities as a race, are destroying the planet right now. We take too much, and often what we do give back is even more destructive. Even as I write against these things, I am using coal-powered electricity and thus supporting the destruction of the mountains which I claim to love so dearly.

We cannot live without causing at least some sort of small-scale destruction (just the act of walking is technically destroying one thing or another underfoot), but the effects of our "progress" on earth are now far beyond a small scale. Modern culture needs a new perspective on what makes real progress. I applaud those people who are now living simple lives, consuming less of the world's resources, and giving back in positive ways to both their communities and the world at large. We need more of those people. I hope myself to begin living such a lifestyle, as soon as I find the faith to let go of the system I rail against.

Here is an applicable movie scene. Take a moment to listen and glean the important principles.

Jurassic Park - Lunch

If you know me well enough, you probably know about my obsession with Jurassic Park. Here's something you may not know: my love of this story runs deeper than just loving dinosaurs. The previous scene is, in my opinion, the pivotal scene of the whole movie and contains the central message. Yet even after hearing it, how many of us would wildly support a real-life Jurassic Park? We agree for a moment with Malcolm, but when it comes to real application in the world, we can usually find ourselves siding with Hammond.

I'll leave you with the most poignant quote of the scene:

"What you call science...I call the rape of the natural world."

Peace.

Resurrection

"He began to reflect: there was nothing foul, no bad act, but there were thoughts, bad thoughts, which were that all his present intentions - marrying Katyusha and giving the land away to the peasants - that all this was an unrealizable dream, that he would not carry it to its conclusion, that it was all artificial, unnatural, and that he ought to live as he had been living.

"There was no bad act, but there was something much worse than a bad act: there were those thoughts from which spring all bad deeds. A bad act may not be repeated, and one may repent of it; but evil thoughts generate all evil deeds.

"A bad act only smooths out the path for other bad acts; bad thoughts irresistibly drag one down that path."

~Tolstoy, "Resurrection"

So, there's that. I had no idea reading a Tolstoy book would have an impact on my spiritual life, and yet as I read it today I realised this is, in fact, the case. I have seen the truth of the above words in my own life. Life in Grand Rapids is easy and good, and I have become lazy in my mind and spirit here. I have finally seen some of the wickedness which has crept into my mind, and it pains me to realise I have left it alone for so long. I miss the teachings of Jesus, the words of life I have taken for granted, the community of the church. Having realised these things, now is the time for spiritual and physical action. Please pray for me as I seek God's guidance.

Peace.

Soldiers and Sand

Entrenched soldiers, they lie
Between layers of the dead
Half their comrades below
The rest overhead
As another wave passes
They can feel the crashes
Of bombs on the death field
Their gruesome shield
The sun on the horizon their only hope and solace
Just a little longer

After a few warm days, a rainstorm leaves but a shallow layer of wet sand above several inches which are dry. Past that distance the wet sand again takes over, creating an interesting, almost oreo-like set of layers on the beach. You may see a soaked beach, but take a step in, and your feet bring dry sand back up with them. Strange. Another storm approaches in the distance, but even this will likely not be enough to complete the dousing.

Internal thoughts

So, living in Grand Rapids has been very good for me thus far. I have a job, I live in a house full of friends, I reside in the city I have wanted to live in for about four years, and I am keeping up with the friendships which matter most to me. One could say I have the makings of a very fulfilled life, and they would not be wrong in saying it.

During my time here, I have had some good realisations about myself. First, one which has been a gradual realisation over the past several years, is that I have a very restless spirit. It is difficult for me to stay living in one place and working one job for a long time. I love change, new scenery, and traveling. The desire to just leave without a real destination is very strong in me. Winter exacerbates these qualities. "Cabin fever" has almost driven me to make very unwise decisions on multiple occasions. A friend recently said I seem less happy lately, and I would blame this as the root cause.

Second, although I have a wanderer's spirit, I also have a strong sense of responsibility which, more often than any other single factor, is the one thing which keeps me from following through on some of my crazier ideas. It is this sense of responsibility/loyalty which keeps me from immediately moving across the country. I do not want to go back on plans I have made with others. Although I do this with regularity, some things seem more important to me than others. If I tell you I want you to travel across the country with me, rest assured I mean it. If I leave without giving you a chance to come with me...that is something I cannot allow myself to do. Keeping my word is important to me; in light of this, I do not give it often. Business must be resolved before the wandering can commence.

Third, I have realised how incredibly internalised my thoughts and feelings are, and how easy it is for me to slip into my own mind and shut out the outside world. My own views on all kinds of matters are so personal to me, and my own confusion on issues which many consider "black-and-white" is so great, the vast majority of people only think they know my opinion. I fear what people think of me, so when I find myself in disagreement with someone, I often respond in ways which avoid the conflict instead of facing it. This is especially true regarding theological issues. Oops.

My mind is, in effect, my log cabin in the mountains. This is where my dearest dreams grow and flourish, where I can go to be at peace from others. It can be very lonely at times, but I have not yet found someone to whom I feel completely safe giving a key. Not to say I have no friends who I allow in at times (some are regular guests, in fact); I simply have not yet found a person with whom I can truly share this space with.

Perhaps this describes all of us. We all are the kings and queens of our own castles, keeping out the riff-raff and allowing only those closest to us in for any amount of time. The mind is a beautiful place. Dreams and imaginations bigger than the universe are found there, creativity with no limits. Our innermost being is also found here: the person we really are, or at least perceive we really are; the person we want others to know, and yet the person we are afraid to reveal at the same time. Being open means being vulnerable.

The thought has often crossed my mind to begin speaking completely open, being forward and blunt with my thoughts and emotions. Not to the point of hurting someone with my words, of course, but also not allowing fear to dictate my communications. Telling someone "I think you are beautiful" without fear, giving a stranger a hug because it looks like they need one, stopping on the side of the road to see if they need help...the sort of chivalrous things we all say we believe are good and right, but which few of us actually do with any regularity.

I have been reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," and it has been very insightful so far. It is likely the reason I have been thinking about all these things. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Peace.