A short thought on being set apart

So, I've been thinking lately that it would be hilarious if people would recognize Christians on the road because they follow every speed and traffic law and are always courteous drivers.

Side thought: If you don't do this, but you have an Icthus or something else on your vehicle identifying you as a Christian, take it off, because you're not helping anyone by showing the world you're a Christian who has bad road rage.

I know there's plenty more to following Jesus than this little thing, but I've been thinking about it nonetheless.

Peace.

Romans 8:7

"For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot."

I was reading this verse the other night, and what it's saying finally hit me. I'll paraphrase it:

"The mind that is focused on worldly things does not and CANNOT obey God, therefore it is opposed to Him."

The whole passage surrounding this verse relates the black-and-white difference between living "in the flesh" and living "in the Spirit." Paul doesn't really give much middle ground in this whole part of the chapter. You're either living for worldly things and yourself, or you're living for God. Jesus Himself made it clear that we can't serve two masters. In Romans 8:6, Paul reveals the end results of either direction one may take:

"To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

Some food for thought as we enter the most consumeristic season of the year.

In other news, I'm really glad it's finally Christmas Break. I miss having time to talk about Scripture like this...a sad thing to say since I go to a "Christian" university.

I'm also glad that I can catch up on my reading. Not only do I want to finish memorizing Romans chapter 8 over break, but I also have a stack of classic literary stories I want to get into. I'm pretty excited for all this!

Peace.

College & Life

So, I hear college-age people talk all the time about relationships, life goals, dreams jobs, etc. I have, along with these people, often felt like if I don't find my future spouse, if I don't visit another country, if I don't do whatever RIGHT NOW, then I will never get a chance once I'm out of college. We often think that if we don't immediately find out what we're supposed to be doing with our lives and start living it, something is wrong. Nowadays, I've been wondering why we think like this. None of these ideas are true. I think the problem is that we lack patience. We think the here and now is the only time we've got. In a sense, this is true; you never know when your end will come. However, these ideas reveal the mindset we have that there is no life after college. I think this discontentment and lack of patience comes right from consumerism. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." We have subjected ourselves to this system of buying and constantly needing more in such a way that we haven't even realized the longer-ranging effects it's had on the way we think, even if we don't constantly buy or want new physical items. It's gone beyond that. We're no longer content to wait on key life moments; we want everything for our lives right now. That's irresponsible and foolish. We think we're ready for it all right now, when there's a reason we don't have it yet: we're still being prepared. If you can't be responsible and content with what you have right now, then why do you think you will be responsible and content once you have all these "things?" If you're reading this, I'm going to guess you have already gone beyond the basic human "wants" in life. You probably have a roof over your head almost everywhere you go, access to more than one set of clothes and the means with which to clean them, food which is easily accessible and in such abundance that you can have more than one meal every day, plenty of clean water, and friends or family to share these things with. That's more than what a lot of people in the world have. Yet you probably want more, right? That's consumerism: wanting more than what is necessary. In short, consumerism really is just greed, which is thinking you deserve more than what you have. Greed, then, boils down to pride. Consumerism is pride, the most basic and all-encompassing of human sins, which everyone has in some form or another, including myself.

Brothers and sisters, let's live our lives in humility and contentment, not seeking our own benefit above others', but putting others' needs above our own. Let's live with patience in our time of preparation, not seeking to have its fulfillment before the proper moment.

Peace.

Follow the Star 2010

So, I'm at Center Lake Bible Camp right now for the whole weekend. I'm helping with a free living nativity they run every December known as Follow the Star. I'm playing the prophet Isaiah all weekend. I stand by a fire and read from the book of Isaiah, chapter 9, verses 6-7 when prompted. It's pretty cold here at night, and it's hard not to get a faceful of smoke next to the fire, so I ran circles around the A-Frame to keep warm. Also, at the end of the event tonight, I failed at finding the right knob to turn my lantern off, and I got some really nice burn imprints from a metal piece on the top of the lantern. Pretty nice patterns.

I'm highly amused by what my boss Don has been wearing since I've been here. Along with normal warm-looking clothes, he has some big ol' boots, a pointy cap that trails halfway down his back, and rabbit-fur mittens that go halfway up his arms and look like bear paws. He kind of looks like a big angry elf.

I have a good bit of work to do while I'm here beside volunteering in the evenings. I have to research my camp's history and write an 8-10 page paper by the middle of this coming week, so I have to focus on that in the day. A couple of my friends here are going to see the new Narnia movie tomorrow, but I don't think I'll be able to go because of my homework. Oh well. Camp is really peaceful when no one is around, and it's really beautiful in the winter.

On a side note, I'm really happy that school is almost over for the semester. It's gone by pretty fast, but it's been pretty frustrating at the same time. Christmas break should be good, even though I'll be working ahead on homework for my January class. Being at home will make it much better.

Peace.

Footprints

So, I was walking back from class this morning in the snow. I decided I wanted to walk where there weren't other tracks in the snow; I wanted to make a distinct path that was my own, a path which was different from all the rest, and that would maybe even become used by others. Then I thought about how when spring comes, my tracks are going to disappear, never truly remembered by anyone else. The snowy path I thought was my own will melt away to reveal the glory of the green grass thriving again in the sun.

Food for thought.

Peace.

A Dream

So, I have a certain professor for two of my classes this semester. They're a newly hired ministry professor at Spring Arbor. At the beginning of the semester, I thought this professor was pretty cool and a good professor. After spending most of the semester learning under this person, though, I've been seeing more of their "faults" and teaching methods which I don't particularly like. It's been really getting to me the past couple weeks, in fact, and I started to lose respect for this person at one point because of my dislike of certain classroom activities and the fact that they grade work slightly harsher than many other professors here.

Last night, I had a dream that this professor personally asked me something to the effect of, "How am I doing as a professor?" In my dream, I scrambled to come up with answers which would encourage this person, because I realized they really were a good professor, and were trying hard. WOW. That was a mindset change for me. I realized this morning in class (ironically, the only class I have today, AND with this same professor) how poorly I have been regarding this person, not necessarily in class, but in my words outside of class and in my thoughts.

I can't really continue acting and thinking this way after that dream. Thank you God for showing me where I was going wrong in my relationship with this person.

Peace.

Boundaries

So, I was thinking a few minutes ago about boundaries in dating relationships. If you read my last post, you already know I just started a new relationship with a friend of mine. Like anyone else normally would in a relationship, I've been thinking about boundaries and intimacy. We haven't really talked about boundaries, other than taking things slow and wanting to glorify God in everything. Strangely enough, though, I'm ok with not having talked about it. My past relationships, we set boundaries. Those boundaries became lines which we got as close as we could to, and we would inevitably cross them. Talking about boundaries has, in my own past, made things harder. As I've posted before, I've put a lot of thought already into how I want things to go this time around, and that includes boundaries. I see this person as a beautiful child of God in a way I couldn't in my previous relationships. We both know our feelings for the other, and we both want to relate to each other in a respectable, Godly way. Things are going well, and I have no desire to push the boundaries from where they currently stand.

Peace.

Lately...

So, I guess I haven't blogged in a while, have I, internetz? Well, most things have been going pretty average lately. College is lame, as usual.

There are a few new developments with me, though. I have been working on memorizing Scripture, first off. How sad is that! It's a NEW thing with me...we should ALWAYS be memorizing Scripture and spending time in God's Word if we claim to know ANYTHING about what He's said in it! I just memorized part of the first chapter of the Gospel of John, and now I'm working on Romans chapter eight. It has been pretty tough, especially since I left my Bible at my camp this weekend (which is three hours away...). I would highly recommend memorizing large portions of Scripture as a life habit...it will really help change your heart, your perspective, and your actions. Think of a time when someone you really cared about sent you a letter, message, note, etc. Did you read it over and over again, going back to it later to really let it sink in? I have. How much more we should be doing the same with God's Word!

Speaking of things like that...another new development for me is that I've just recently entered into a new relationship with a friend of mine. I've posted about relationships on here before; my own failings in them, my feelings at the time, and what I want to do differently in the future. Well, in all my contemplations and prayers about my next romantic relationship, I did not actually think I would find myself in one as ideal as I was hoping for...but that's pretty much where I'm at right now. We both are taking it very seriously, and don't want to rush anything, which has been hard, but really great. Something which I would like to change, however, is how we spend our time together. So far, we've gone out to dinner a few times, bowling, watching movies, and just chillin on Mt. Beebe...but I would like for us to spend some time in the Word together, focusing on God. I'm planning on bringing this up the next time we're together.

If anyone still keeps track of my blog, I would really appreciate your prayers in this matter. I know from personal experience how badly a relationship can go when the focus isn't on God; I don't want to have that happen again. Thank you.

Peace.

Vision

So, every once in a while, I get this recurring vision. It's not some great vision of God's majesty and splendour; it's more of an idea which keeps coming to me. I often think of all the things I could do with my life which would bring God glory and make plans of how I could do them, but for some reason this one keeps coming back, and often more detailed each time. I want to someday have a home characterized by generosity and peace, where anyone can come and go as they please. They would get fed and shown love, and would even have a place to stay for some time if necessary. It could be a place of recovery and of job-searching. I don't know if this includes me having a family or not, but this idea keeps coming back to me.

Along with this, I think God wants to cultivate generosity and peace in me for it to happen. Ironic, as those are two of the fruits I often struggle with the most, even if it's not obvious. I can give away things which don't matter to me, but when it comes to more "important" things, like my CDs, my iPod, my stereo, and even my time. I'm very selfish. I'm also often easily upset and angered by certain things. Basically, I'm the opposite of generosity and peace most of the time, haha! I'm always thinking about Luke 14 and 18, where Jesus speaks about the cost of following Him, and selling one's possessions. I am rich by the world's standards in general, so why do I feel like I need more stuff so often? God has been slowly convicting me more and more of these things (the chapel speaker today even brought up the story of the rich young ruler), and I'm getting tired of hearing Him tell me things and not obeying Him. I was going to talk a lot more about Jesus' words here, but that's a rant for another day, haha.

These are my thoughts today. I'd appreciate your prayers for generosity and peace.

Some thoughts on Sabbath

So, I've been really looking into the Sabbath, or Shabbat, a lot lately. In my Spiritual Formations class, we talked about some verses in Isaiah 58 about fasting, but I found some verses about Sabbath which I really liked.


"If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly, then you shall take delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth..."


You may see some issues with this. For example, it's obviously originally addressed to the Israelites, not Christians (since they weren't even around then). Next, you might say it doesn't apply to us, since it's in the Old Testament and Jesus has freed us from all those laws. I don't want to talk too much about those issues, but I will say a few things. I believe God's Word is living and active, and also that God is outside of time, so from there it's not much of a stretch to say God's Word addresses all of God's people throughout time, including Christians. Also, without getting into a really big argument, I'd also like to say this passage is not technically part of the Law, nor is it a law at all.


This is God talking to His people, telling them the purpose of the Sabbath. Going to Jesus' own words, man was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath for man. This doesn't contradict the passage in Isaiah, even though God says we should keep from pleasuring ourselves "or talking idly." The Sabbath is made for man so that he can have a time to focus completely on God alone. Of course it wouldn't make sense if man was made for the Sabbath. God makes it plain in the Isaiah passage that we are supposed to use the time for focusing on Him, not ourselves. It's not a day for catching up on homework, for fasting, or even for doing nothing at all; it's a day meant for a time of closer communion with God and for seeking Him. It's also one of the most taken-for-granted aspects of our faith. I'm running out of thoughts, so I guess that's it for now. Just thought I'd share that.


Peace.

Mindless chatter

So, my roommate and I were talking about communication and prayer tonight. A big point we discussed was "filler words." I think it's interesting how much we hate silence in prayers. With how we pray, someone might think it must be a sin to speak slowly or to even stop for a second before saying something else. It might even seem like we're trying to fast-talk God into coming through on our prayers. We fall into this thing where we think the more words we can sputter out in succession, the more real our prayers are. We spout out words without even thinking about what we're saying to God. I wonder how many "uhhhs," "likes," and "justs" are stuck in our prayers perpetually. A good speaker avoids these words at all costs. Why, when we learn to not say these words in speech classes, do we let our vocabulary slacken in our prayers? If we avoid these words in talking to people, shouldn't we avoid them in talking to our Creator?

My roommate brought up a fantastic analogy to go with this. The story of Cain and Abel in the Bible illustrates how Abel brought a fantastic sacrifice, best of what he had, while Cain basically brought the leftovers of what he had. Abel's sacrifice was obviously better. Bringing this back to the conversation, it's not that God won't understand out prayers if we use too many fillers; it's more about how we're bringing the best we can to Him, even in our communication with Him.

Besides all this, when we're praying in public, our bad communication habits can be extremely distracting for others and bring their thoughts away from God. When you use "uhh" every five words or so, and it's almost louder than the actual words in your prayer...I'm sorry, but I can't handle that. It's ok to stop and think instead of jamming noise into your prayers. Again, why is silence such a bad thing to us?

I may have mentioned this in a previous blog, but one peeve I have in particular is the word "just." Think of it this way: "God, would You just do this" really means "God, would You do only this one thing,"...but we use "just" at least five times per prayer. To me, that's like lying right to God's face. "God, I'm only asking for this one thing. I'm also only asking for this other one thing. Oh yeah, and only this other thing as well."

Even through all this communication policing, we still can't be overly distracted by what we're saying, or else we fall into selfishness in our prayers. "Oh man, I have to sound good, or else...." If we're worried about how others think of us when we pray, who are we even praying to? Certainly not God, because He wants our full attention on Himself. This goes back again to giving our best for God. He doesn't want meaningless chatter, but he also doesn't want us focusing on ourselves and our words. He wants meaningful, relational conversation and love from us.

Just some thoughts. Comment or talk to me in person.

Peace.

Spiritual Disciplines

So, this is a topic we've all talked and listened to sermons and read books and taken classes about...so I'm not going to preach. Rather, I want to make a little statement about how I've been thinking about it lately and some things I would like help with. God has been teaching me lately how much I need some serious discipline in my life, much more so than usual. I've been recognizing the significance of it more in certain ways. I even just finished a fantastic little textbook called "Mudhouse Sabbath" all about certain disciplines. I've decided I'm going to try harder at not just little daily disciplines, but also more substantial ones like Sabbath and fasting. Everyone takes these and other for granted, and everyone KNOWS that everyone takes them for granted. I would like to start being more diligent in everything I do so I can accomplish a recognition of Sabbath at the end of this coming week. I'm going to try to do better at various other things, but this is the one which I feel I should talk to others about specifically. If everything works out like I want it to this week, I'll probably be unavailable to contact for the most part except in person Friday night through Sunday morning. I would love to talk more about Sabbath and accountability with other disciplines with whoever wants to, as well...preferably in person, and less in the comments section of this blog.


Peace.

Psalm 59

"Deliver me from my enemies, O my God; protect me from those who rise up against me..."

"Each evening they come back, howling like dogs and prowling about the city. There they are, bellowing with their mouths with swords in their lips - for "Who," they think, "will hear us?"

"O my Strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress. My God in his steadfast love will meet me; God will let me look in triumph on my enemies."

"Each evening they come back, howling like dogs, and prowling about the city. They wander about for food and growl if the do not get their fill."

"But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."


O God, my temptations return every night and day, but You hear all my thoughts. You hear them spouting lies at me, and You hear me try to justify my wrong actions. O God, my Strength, I will watch for You. You are my Fortress and Refuge in my times of trouble. You will let me look in triumph over my old ways, and remind me of Your mighty hand through it all. I will sing aloud of Your steadfast love in the morning because of the love You have shown me. I will watch for You in the night; I will watch for You in the day.

Peace.

Refreshed

"Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ." Philemon v.20

The chaplain at Spring Arbor likes to talk about this verse. He says we should refresh people in Christ; we should love God so much that just our presence is refreshing to others. That's just a brief mention of what he says about that verse, but that's enough to get across what I'm going to talk about.

I recently met someone who refreshed my heart in Christ. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head who's done that as soon as I've met them. He was not a student at Spring Arbor, but he was running around campus for a day praying over the dorms and buildings and proclaiming freedom loudly over campus. I found him in the evening and was able to talk to him about what he was doing and where he came from. He was a really crazy dude who basically got stuck in Spring Arbor twice by God this week so he could pray over it. God is going to really change people's hearts this year on campus I think. I guess I can't say much else, other than this character honestly refreshed me just by being around him, and God brought him here for a purpose, even if only for a short time. Keep praying.

Peace.

Thoughts on words

So, going on the assumption that someone still reads this after my last post, I have some things to talk about tonight. First off, thanks to anyone who read my last post and prayed for me...really appreciated that. I've been in the midst of some massive spiritual warfare the past few weeks. As you could see from two posts ago, God has been teaching me a lot of stuff, but (as illustrated by my most previous post) Satan's really trying to mess it up. Maybe I've lost some standing with whoever happened to read it, but I don't care. I'm not going to pretend like everything's always perfect with me. At least through all this crap, God's really been letting me see the warfare going on around me.

Next on the agenda, I was reading Psalm 52 tonight, and along with some other thoughts from the day, it really got me thinking.

"Why do you boast of evil, O mighty man? The steadfast love of God endures all the day. Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit. You love evil more than good, and lying more than speaking what is right. Selah.

You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue. But God will break you down forever, he will snatch and tear you from your tent; he will uproot you from the land of the living. Selah."

That's almost entirely about just words; the way we talk to others. I was already thinking about this topic earlier today; interesting how God's been bringing it to my attention so much. It's funny to see how we cut down others constantly with our words, but pretend it's ok, because we're just joking. We want to sound witty and make people laugh. That's a good thing, right? Who doesn't want to be popular? I'm guilty of that. Then there's other times when I see my friends just being unnecessarily critical of other friends. Of course, it's ok to talk like that to people you're friends with and have known for a long time. It's ok to point out their flaws and how they've inconvenienced you by some action they've made, even if it wasn't entirely or at all their fault, since you'll still be friends even after you say it. Besides, you're just helping them to become a better person, right? Maybe you're just trying to train them to look out for you. I'm guilty of that. People who call themselves Christians or Christ-followers or Jesus freaks can be serious jerks when they see someone else not being perfect (i.e., being a human, just like them). I'm guilty of that. Personally, I'm really quick to criticise my mom. I had to apologize to her just today because of my attitude. I'm not saying all this to just point at everyone else; I'm included. God has really been convicting me in this area today.

Jesus, draw us near to you. Show us true love. I want to look foolish to the world. I want to love like I'm not afraid.

God's also been really showing me how I need to show His love to my family. I would realy appreciate it if you would pray for God to work in my family and that he would keep me from getting in His way. Pray the same for yourselves, while you're at it; no family is perfect.

Peace.

Rough day(s)

So, apologies in advance if this is kind of a downer blog, but I wanted to say something here without spouting it out all over Facebook. I've been having a rough couple of days spiritually...along the lines of serious doubts in my faith. It's been really hard on me, and my mom could even tell something was wrong with me today. These doubts just hit me all of a sudden, and they made me really depressed and confused.

I've been listening to a lot of less than God-honoring music lately, and at home it's hard for me to spend a lot of time around people who really love God. I wouldn't say these in and of themselves are contributing factors, but outside of those, I don't really know why these doubts hit me so hard. It sucks. Really bad. For a while, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. It's especially hard when you don't see anyone who matches the description of a Christian as outlined in the Bible.

As I said, there's a reason I didn't want to put this directly on Facebook. I've been begging God to help me see the truth through this, and He has shown me hope. He's also let me know subtly that I need to stop lowering my standards. I've been doing that a lot lately, now that I think about it. I've been listening to a lot of stuff that's just no good on the radio, under the pretense of wanting to listen to "good" music. I've been lowering my standards for the kind of relationship I'm looking for by thinking things like, "Oh, well, she's pretty, and likes Jesus enough."

...what happened to me? Good grief, God has been showing me so many things lately, and I repay Him with unbelief? I've been asking His forgiveness and help with this...and He has been faithful to restore my faith in small, simple ways today.

I was listening to Demon Hunter's song "Shallow Water" earlier this evening, and it made me think about how I don't challenge myself with sacrifice...I do sacrifice, but not to the point of needing to trust in God. I need to take a step deeper in faith if I'm going to really see God work.

Here's the chorus to the song I mentioned:

"Tread shallow water: safe from the weight, the burden of sacrifice.
Sons and daughters, pray for the rain. May it redeem their eyes."

If you've read this far, I would ask for your prayers as the second line of that chorus goes.

Peace.

A thought on guidance

So, I was reading in Psalm 25 recently, and found these verses: "Who is the man that fears the LORD? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant." (25:12-14, ESV)

Maybe you've never had this problem, but I remember lots of times when I've wanted God's guidance in some matter, prayed for Him to show me the way, and sat around wishing He would just show me a little of His will...all while my relationship with Him was failing in all other areas. Oftentimes, these prayers for guidance in some situation were the first times in quite a while when I had bothered to talk to Him earnestly about something at all. This morning I read Psalm 37:4-5: "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act." I realized how foolish I was to think God would've acted in these situations when I wasn't committing myself to Him each day; I was just coming to Him in my time of need, expecting Him to help me after ignoring Him in all other situations. Seems kinda silly, doesn't it?

Peace.

Psalm 18

So, I was recently thinking about how I might be done with this blog because I didn't have anything to write about. Today is different. I sat down this afternoon and opened up my Bible to Psalm 18, reading it out loud as a prayer. It seemed to really apply to my current situation, especially in the first few verses, like 4-6: "The cords of death encompassed me;the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help." I used the passage as a prayer up until verse 20-22: "The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me. For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God. For all his rules were before me, and his statutes I did not put away from me." Dang. I read that, and I thought, "I haven't done any of those things...I can't use this as a prayer for God to help me in the same way, Then I read the next two verses: "I was blameless before him, and I kept myself from my guilt. So the LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight." Whoa. It's one of those things that I knew, of course, but that God decided I needed to relearn straight from Him. I am blameless before God because of Christ's sacrifice...I should be keeping myself from my guilt and rejoicing, not telling God through my actions that Christ needs to be sacrificed again for all my horrible deeds. That passage really made my day (week, actually) a lot better.

Also, just a little bit of encouragement:
You know what's really hard? Praying without ceasing.
You know what we can do through Christ? Yeah.

Peace.

Travel time again

So, here I am, writing my last blog for a good month, and possibly even up to three months. My emotions are running rampant, I can't believe it, I can't breathe...

Whatever. You'll get over me.

But seriously, there's a lot going on. I'm going to IRELAND TOMORROW MORNING. Goodbye America. I'm finally going to be able to visit one of my top three places I want to go before I die. I can hardly believe it. I have to go shopping for a bunch of people while I'm there. I'm also hoping to pick up a bit of an accent and maybe some local lingo while I'm gone. When I get back on June 10, I have to head straight to camp for the summer, as I'll already be about a week and a half late.

In other news, I forget whether I announced it here or not, but I got rid of my Facebook account around last November. Currently, I also do not have a functioning cell phone because of bizarre circumstances. I am very out of touch with most of my friends because of this. It feels really weird, and I can't contact many people who I would really like to, but, at the same time, it feels pretty good. I can focus much more easily on what's around me. I believe my mom is picking me up a cell phone for me to have when I get back from Ireland and England, but I won't have one until then, and I really won't have any contact at all with North America while I'm gone. It's going to be awesome. To have no communication with anyone I know via all forms of electronics (except maybe the possiblity of checking my e-mail and blog at some point while I'm there, and also excluding the people I'm traveling with) for a whole month...it's going to be interesting, and I think it will be really beneficial. Being at camp afterward is also going to really help ease me back to normal life, since I'll still be rather limited while I'm there, with little time to be online and comparable reception for my cell phone. I'm banking on me being less reliant on these things by the summer's end, so I have decided to get my Facebook back after camp gets out. I think it's been long enough, and I've learned a lot about how to manage my time properly. I also need to reclaim my title (see the URL at the top of the page), as it seems one of my friends has decided to steal it now that I'm gone.

Anyways, I hope this post finds whoever reads it well-rested and ready for the summer. Hope ya'll have a good one while I'm gone!

Peace.

Pray for your friends

So, there's a sign outside my room right now which a friend of mine put up today. It's his bill for the school. He owes Spring Arbor a good chunk of money, and wrote on the paper, "PLEASE PRAY OVER THIS!" He didn't ask for money, and he didn't say he's worse off than anyone else; he only asked for prayer. My room is right in front of the stairwell, so when people leave the floor or come up the stairs, they're pretty likely to see it. I've had the misfortune of hearing several people's reactions to this sign. "That's nothing, I owe [insert dollar amount] to the school!" I understand that if you owe a lot more money than someone else does, their problem seems less important to you, but SERIOUSLY. He asked for PRAYER, NOT your criticism and sick pride in your own "poverty." "Oh please, my problems are so much worse than his, he doesn't even have the right to ask for prayer in this matter." That's what I was really hearing from people. If we are going to call ourselves a community of brothers on this floor, then we should be able to look at others' problems and have compassion on them.

Philippians 2:1-4
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count other more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others."

Funny how often we take those words for granted.

Peace.

End of semester...

So, here it it. Another end to a school year here at the Arb. I have several large final projects left, but other than that, not a whole lot. I'm really excited for my trip to Ireland and England coming up in less than a month...but it seems crazy that it's so close already. I've wanted to go to Ireland almost my entire life.

Went to Ann Arbor with some friends yesterday and stopped at this fantastic little bookstor called the "Dawn Treader." SO many old books! I've never been in a better bookstore. We picked up several poetry books which we're all really excited about. I personally am very excited to read a book of poetry by W.B. Yeats, especially before I go to Ireland. Yeats is probably the most famous of the Irish poets, and it might be nice to read up before I go.

Freedom through the power of Christ

So, lately I've been experiencing real freedom from a lot of stuff in my life. One such something which I'm really happy about is regarding a past relationship of mine. I was doing homework on the quiet floor of the campus library when my ex-girlfriend suddenly AIMed me online. Due to the issues surrounding our break-up and at the rate things were going, I wouldn't have been surprised if we would've never spoken to each other again. At first, I was very confused as to why she wanted to talk to me, but I let her speak. She said that she felt bad about the way things went down between us, that she recognized that she had disrespected me with the way she handled the break-up, that she had made it nearly impossible for us to be friends at all afterward, and that she wanted to ask me for forgiveness.

Hear that? Yes, that explosion was my mind being blown. I never expected to hear those words or anything similar to them. I didn't really know what to say at first. I thanked her and forgave her, and also apologized for hurting her with the way I handled things. We talked for a bit, and then the conversation was over.

I felt so freed afterward. I had kind of forgiven her in my mind a good while ago, and I had given up any negative feelings I had toward her. However, I had no hope of us ever being friends again at all, and we had never actually apologized to each other for the way we treated each other afterward. I thank God for this moment of peace, and for the reconciliation He let us experience. We may or may not ever be friends who talk on a regular basis, but God at least brought this opportunity for forgiveness, and I would be OK with us being friends again. Thank You, Jesus.

Peace.

Romans 7

So, the chapel speaker this morning was Chuck White, one of the university religion professors. He presented a very interesting interpretation of Romans 7, one which I hadn't heard before. He said we often see Romans 7 as being an autobiography of Paul and his fight with sin. However, Chuck said that this is probably not a valid way to look at the passage. He brings up an interpretation offered by both Origen and John Wesley which says Paul is speaking from a different perspective in Romans 7. Since Paul's language of being captive to sin doesn't fit with his description of life in Christ in both previous and later passages, Chuck said Paul was probably speaking from the perspective of someone who didn't yet know Christ. I could go into it more, but I have things to do today, so if you want to talk about it more, leave a comment or something, haha.

A conversation

"Father, what do you want me to do?"
-Love.
"Father...how can I love?"
-Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
You must love me first to do this.
"How can I love you more?"
-You must obey my commandments. I have given you my Spirit and all strength through my Son. You must obey, even if you don't want to. You must obey, even if you don't feel as though your motives are right for it. It will come.
...but it will be difficult.

Spring break! WOOHOOO

So, a nice long break from school is finally here. I stopped at home for the weekend before heading out on my extensive travels around the lower peninsula. I've spent the last few days at camp, and now I'm in Big Rapids with my friend Joel. Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Grand Rapids for the rest of break. Good times.

Things have been pretty rough, though. I've had an increasing desire to get closer to God (and some real motivation for it, too), but at the same time, I've been having some really difficult struggles. When my desire for God gets to a new, better place, Satan launches a nuke my way. It sucks. I need discipline, and badly. So, if you're reading this, and you're one of the praying types, I'd really appreciate your prayers.

Something that's been in my head

I'm just a stranger here, despite your everything. I'm not attached to your world of disease. Like father always said (and I can only agree), "Son, they will hate you because they always hated me..." and even though I feel alone, I know that I could never be.

If it's a choice between this veil of ecstasy and all the lonely suffering of seeing things so clearly (if I've said it once, I'll say it twice; I'll say it for all eternity), I'll find all the comfort I need inside this bleeding...and even though I feel alone, I know that I could never be.

Together we are so ugly with rejection, but to our eyes, we're the ones shimmering. I've unplugged the wires from your spine. At first you'll be afraid, but we will be so content...and we will live again. Just crawl across this desert heat and become tragic with me, and now that we are not alone, you know that we could never be.

Nobody knows. Nobody cares. Nobody sees outside our safe haven.

...and we will live again: alone, and so content...

- "Safe Haven," Project 86

O God Where Are You Now (In Pickerel Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)

So, I noticed something very interesting about what's going on in my life recently. Things are going pretty well right now. I seem to have my Spring Break planned out pretty well. I'm doing alright i my classes. Several summer plans are starting to come together. God has taken away some serious anxieties out of my life. So what's wrong? I need God badly. When life seems to be going great, we easily lose track of God. Last night, I realized how much I have lost track of Him.

God, show me how to completely depend on You when everything is fine.

Another week of good and bad

So, this week has been interesting (y'all should keep track of how many times I've use that sentence to start off my blog). I heard from my boss at camp, who said I pretty much have the job I was hoping for, yet thought I had little to no chance of actually getting. I get to co-lead a large handful (and yes, they are quite a handful) of high school volunteers all summer long. As much as I enjoyed counseling for three summers straight, I am very excited to be doing this. I'll be coordinating them with my good friend Kris Locker, who has done this for a few years now and knows the ropes a bit better than I, so I think it will go well.

Myself and other guys from my dorm floor here at Spring Arbor started up something very cool one week ago: a covenant. We made an accountability covenant to help each other grow closer to God and learn to encourage one another better. When one of the guys messes up in something, his covenant-brothers fast and pray for him during one meal. This would be great, except it's not working out quite as well as I had hoped. I have been on the receiving end of two fasts so far, and the encouragement aspect of it (which everyone agreed to in the covenant they signed) has been somewhat lacking. The first time, I received a less-than-encouraging response, which I actually ended up receiving an apology for as well later. The second time (today), one of my friends actually came to me and told me he had been upset about fasting because of me and was still bitter about it. He asked me to pray for him about it, which I sort of did (looking back on it, I could've done better, and I think I will some more now), but I was still put off by what he said.

I have been very discouraged by a few things today, including that incident, and they have made me want to tear up the covenant and say, "Whatever, it's not working." One of my friends told me last night, though, that he thinks the covenant is a great idea, and that he knows the Enemy has been upset by it. I could feel that today, and I still do. Thank God that He has given me strength to not give up. These incidents have shown me that I need to share Christ's love all the more to those around me, as it is so easy to get discouraged.

Romans 15:13

When you see or hear me close out with the word "peace," understand that I want this verse to be my prayer each time. When I say "peace," I want it to mean more than just a hippie-like way of saying "goodbye;" I want you to go with the peace of God.

Peace.

Cliche movie line

"People are dying out there!"

This phrase has been used so much in movies and elsewhere to justify certain radical actions. We use it to jump the gun on God's plan. We want to get out of our situations and go do something meaningful.

Have you ever thought that people are dying right here? The man you walk past on the street, the woman next to you on the plane...they might be in need of a life-giving transformation in their lives, and we are so consumed with our high callings that we will do anything to get to them, even if it means blowing past these people without a second thought.

"They're someone else's ministry; that's not what I feel God is calling me to; I'm not really comfortable doing that." Seriously? Do we realy need to justify why we're not doing everything we can for the people around us right now? Even if you can't do more than just give them a smile, or acknowledge their existence, such actions might be enough.

"If I can't tell them about Jesus, then there's no point." WRONG. I love the often-quoted line of St. Francis of Assisi: "Preach the Gospel always. If necessary, use words." If our actions aren't showing the love of Christ, then how will our words make up for it? They won't.

I'm not saying that I have this right. I suck at showing God's love to those around me. I was just thinking about all this stuff, and thought I would write it out.

Peace.

Ephesians 4:25-32

It's easier to destroy than it is to build up.

Homework...

So, I've realized something really stupid. Myself and others sometimes complain about how we don't have enough time to spend with God in His Word because of homework. Even when our homework is required reading of Biblical texts and responding to them on paper in some way, we still say, "Oh, well, it's not the same. This is making it into homework. I want to read it for my own, on my own time!" I just realized how incomprehensibly lame this excuse is. Back in the day, kids ten years younger than us would already have a decent portion of the Law memorized because they HAD to. Why the heck are we complaining? We are REQUIRED TO READ THE BIBLE! How much better can things get? I am officially taking a new stance on required Biblical readings for classes. I'm going to start viewing this as a good chance to delight in His laws.

Reminders

So, this morning I woke up with some weird, painful scrapes on two of my right-hand fingers. I don't remember getting them at all, but I guess I probably scraped my fingers between spaces in my bunk. I was thinking about it, and I thought, "Man, it would be crazy if I had woken up with scars on my wrists. That would be a good reminder of how I've been crucified with Christ. It would make remembering a lot easier." Seriously? Do we need this kind of crap to remind us of what should be the most important part of our lives...not even just the most important part of our lives, but our very lives??? Sometimes I imagine using tattoos in the same way, as reminders for myself. Is this really necessary, though? I reminded myself a lot of the Pharisees in Mark 8:11-12. They came to Jesus seeking a sign...not a sign in the same way I am referring, but let's roll with this anyway for now. Jesus told them their generation would not be given a sign, and then He left. After all I have seen God do in my life and in others', how can I still be in the shoes of the Pharisees, looking for signs and things to strengthen my faith with, when I have already seen enough signs, and when I should be letting Christ strengthen me instead of looking for material things to help.

"Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." - John 20:30-31

Peace.

Le sigh.

So, here I am again, typing out a blog post at a ridiculously late (early?) hour because I can't sleep. I've already gone to bed twice in the a.m. hours of the night, and failed to sleep both times. At this point, I'm thinking of just staying up.

I was up very late last night as well. In fact, I was up later than I am now, although I almost certainly would've been able to sleep had I tried. However, I was up having a chat with a friend who needed some guidance. This time is probably the side effects of not going to bed until almost 6 a.m. and then sleeping in until 1 p.m.

I also have a lot of thoughts running through my mind which are driving me insane. I can't stop thinking, which isn't helping me get to sleep either. I'm probably not going to share these thoughts at the moment, though. Anticlimactic, right?

Anyways, one update which may or may not be of interest to anyone reading is that my frustrations I talked about a couple posts ago (another night of insomnia as well, ironically) are becoming less of an issue. God is slowly changing me and giving me a renewed desire to spend more time with Him, and I love it. Even thought I feel like crap because of lack of sleep, I don't feel like my relationship with God is in the crapper anymore. I've been spending my time more wisely, especially since last week's Deeper.

Well, I'm going to try to tire myself or something, I guess, because I really want to sleep.

Peace.

Oh, Christian universities...

So, I guess it's time for a "relationships" post once again. Meh. Last night, I had several chats with various people about relationships. One thing in particular which was discussed which I have thought about a lot previously is the complexity of the relationships between guys and girls here at Spring Arbor as opposed to most other places outside of the Arb. In my own experience in regards to dating-type relationships at places like Spring Arbor, instead of of just saying, "You know, I don't think this is going to work out," or just expressing that you don't want to be in a relationship with the particular person, the God card gets thrown out there. I've been on the receiving end of it before: "I just don't think it's God's will," or, "I want to stay together, but I feel like it's not what God wants me to do right now." Trust me, I've worked long and hard with my own bitterness and cynicism in these matters (bitticism, as I called the combination in a post long ago), and I'm not talking about my own experiences to just vent. I am just frustrated that I still see these same situations going on ALL around campus. Things do not need to be as complicated as they are. Another aspect of this complexity which I see is simple friendships between guys and girls. We overanalyze everything. "Oh, this person wants to hang out, they must like me..." etc. If we were all just real and intentional in our relationships, we wouldn't need to overanalyze things like this.

I guess that's all I have to say right now. Let's get some responses!

PARTY TIME.

So, this week has been interesting. I've hit some really deep lows in my relationship with God, and yet had some great new hopes for renewal at the same time. Ron started Deeper up again this week, and it was phenomenal. Ron is so passionate about wanting us to truly follow Christ...it's ridiculous how often we forget about all he has to say.

This week, he talked about revival. He compared revival to a party. Why aren't we overflowing with joy and love toward each other? CHRIST has COME. Why aren't we praising God all day long in our actions toward others? We should be frickin CELEBRATING, not mourning the fact that Christ hasn't come back yet, like many do.

I guess that's all I have for now.

Peace.

ughhhhhh

So, here I sit at 3:20 am, typing out a blog because I can't sleep. I would really appreciate sleep at this point, but whatevs.

I've been thinking as I lay in bed. I've realized through my own actions lately that I've been going back to some of my old habits, and they totally snuck back in without me realizing it. Arrogance. The "I'm right, you're wrong" syndrome. I hate feeling like a jerk, and yet at the same time, I'm so good at it. I feel like I was somewhat rude to a friend of mine who stopped by my room this evening who doesn't come by often, and I felt like they left less happy because of the way I was acting. That's been bothering me. I've realized that since I got back to school, my relationship with God has come to an almost complete standstill. The funny thing is...I am not even taking a class right now. I'm waiting to start job training for campus safety next week, and I'm just chillin at school with nothing to do at ALL until then. So, why am I not closer to God? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I have all the time in the world to give to Him, and I have completely wasted almost all of it since I got back to school. I've been playing silly games, playing guitar, hanging out with people, sleeping, and just doing nothing in general. None of these things are necesarily bad, but I have completely made this time off about entertaining myself until I have something to do. Oh my gosh. The very thing I so adamantly advocate against to everyone around me (spending time foolishly without thinking of or spending any of it with God) has become my lifestyle as of late.

Well, tomorrow's Sunday, and this idiot has to lead worship bright and early...epic fail.

Thank You, God, that Your mercies are new each morning...thank You, God, that You never leave our sides, even when we try so hard to run away from You...even when we try to take a sledgehammer to the walls of Your kingdom, You call us back inside. I am so foolish and messed up. I want to do better. After lunch tomorrow, I don't have anything going on again all day...so I'm going to take a break from all the nothing I've been doing and just sit in silence with God and His Word.

Peace.

"...Flippant and familiar..."

A quote I read today:

"The people who are flippant and familiar are those who have never yet been introduced to Jesus Christ." - Oswald Chambers

Dag, yo. I don't know if that statement convicted anyone else, but I was sure feelin it. I come to God regularly with an attitude of familiarity, having expectations and arrogant ideas that I am somehow knowledgeable regarding the Almighty. Oswald Chambers says if we come to God like this and have never experienced the mystery of God, we have never truly know Him. I'm not questioning my own salvation here; however, I will attest that it's fairly easy to fall into this type of attitude if you're not careful. We come to God without respect, mouthing words of false praise which mean nothing, and then expect Him to honor our prayers. I would go as far to say this is asking without faith, as spoken of in James 1. By taking this attitude in approaching God, we doubt His holy mystery, we doubt His might, we doubt His knowledge, we doubt His presence. Of course, you're saying, "I am doing no such thing!" However, with an attitude in which we assume to understand Who God really is, we put ourselves on His level and call ourselves gods...as if we don't do that enough in our daily actions, we do it in approaching the One True God as well. God's full being and character is far beyond out limited comprehension, yet we think we truly know Him. Ugh. I far too often fall into this trap of arrogance. I need to do some serious work in my life, and start really living "4Him" "For Today."

In other news, I was going to help my friend Mike move from Grand Rapids to Lansing tomorrow, but he called me and said he's not quite organized enough for it yet, so that plan fell through. My mom gave me a bunch of gas money for the trip, though...so, I had the idea of going to visit my dear Uncle Wookie tomorrow instead. I called him up, and I guess there's a chance he might be substitute teaching, but he doesn't know yet. So, he's going to call me in the morning and let me know what's goin down. Apparently, he has some cheap Christmas present for me, hehe. Last year, he gave me a tiny little toy velociraptor (which still has the bow attached, and has been affectionatly named "Muffin"), so I'm pretty excited to see what it is this year. Hopefully I'll be able to see him tomorrow!

Peace.