*This is an extended journal entry from my time in Idaho. I journaled nearly every single day. This entry was written after a walk along the road behind the farm.*
There is a single tree on the farm which is changing colours. Bright, flaming orange, and kind of scrawny.
Sometimes I pretend the clouds are mountains.
Sometimes I imagine the world is moving below the clouds instead of them above the earth. Walking becomes a totally different experience.
As I walked down the road, I realised the raven I heard behind me was catching up. I turn around to look for it, and its calls somehow passed me by, as if made by a phantom bird. Looking up, I see the black phantom high above me, higher than I thought ravens were ever interested in flying. It floated in tight circles on thermals, quickly moving on toward the wilderness.
After finding a cold stream and a trail leading up into the mountains, I turned back. On the road, something happened. I stopped to listen to the rocks. When I did, the forest and rocks sang out for just a moment. The song was deafened in short order by one of the weightiest silences I have ever experienced.
That silence. It almost felt as if some primeval behemoth had me locked in its gaze. I couldn't move.
The Ancient approaches in the silence of the wilderness. You cannot escape. You cannot move. You can only know the Weight of the Presence.
Primeval is the best word. A great power, unknowable, older than the world. No evil intention, yet fear grips you.
A great Deep. Everything stills itself for what seems like an eternity, except the wind. The wind brings this Presence. To and fro it roams. We may not meet again for some time. You cannot search for and find the Presence; you can, however, go out to meet it. Where you meet it is not up to you.
Minutes passed, unmoving. I could have stood there for hours.
The burden grows. You realise it is real. Then it begins to fade, moving on past you. Something breaks you trance, and you realise the Presence is already gone. The dream has passed, and you have woken up. Perhaps, though, this is now the dream, and you had let reality take hold of you for just a moment; now it is gone, and you slumber peacefully, waiting for the wake-up call and that great Dread to find you once again.
Peace.
Showing posts with label imagination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label imagination. Show all posts
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Westward 2013, debrief
SO, blogosphere, it appears that the King of the Wild Frontier has returned from his latest adventure and is ready to resume his online thought processing!
Most of you have heard my trip to Idaho was full of rewarding work and beautiful scenery. I could stop there, and it would be entirely accurate...but for those who want more, allow me to expound.
The trip out was an experience in and of itself. My friend Taylor and I camped in National Forests for free most of the way. We heard wolves in the mountains near one campsite, slept practically on the Continental Divide, and paid an arm and a leg to do next to nothing in Yellowstone National Park.
Once we got to the farm, things got even better. It was situated between three separate ranges of the Rockies (the Selkirks, Purcells, and Cabinets), and was far from any serious human clutter and noise. There was a small line of mountains right behind the farm, and I summited two of the peaks in one day: Line Point and Goat Mountain. Unfortunately, I neglected to plan well enough and almost had to spend the night on a mountainside in grizzly bear country. Heh, whoops.
The job itself was great. Good, hard work four days a week, and three-day weekends. I also realised how much farm work of this sort suits me. This should not have come as a surprise to me, as almost my entire family is comprised of farmers going back generations. I would strongly consider working for a similar farm (or even the same one) full-time whenever I settle down.
Our time on the farm (Ronniger's Organics, in case you were wondering) did include one very untimely event, though. Another intern who had been working there since around May shot and killed himself in his own cabin, which was just a hundred or so yards from our cabin and the owners' home. This came as a shock to everyone, and made things hard for quite some time. I have never dealt with death before, and especially not suicide. I am unsure what else to say about it, really...I was not particularly close to him, but our boss Simon was good friends with him, and he took it very hard for a while. Taylor and I just tried to keep our minds off it.
Changing topics completely now, I kept a journal every single day of the trip except five days while we were at the Barter Faire, which I will discuss later. Journaling regularly is something I have always wanted to do, but have never felt quite able or motivated enough to actually accomplish. It truly helped me to process my thoughts on a daily basis, kept me reading and writing, and strengthened my resolve to pursue some of my personal goals. I may post one or two journal entries here when I get the chance. I used my journal to also practice writing in general, and it is full of edits, so the posts will not be as raw as they are in their current state.
As I mentioned, I also read quite a bit. I finished "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer, the story of Chris McCandless, who abandoned everything he had after college to search for something...purpose, himself, the meaning of life, a real existence, God...he died alone in the Alaskan wilderness. His search, though, resounded in my soul, and showed what one young man can (and cannot) do if he sets his mind to it.
Next, I read "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," an abstract Christian nature theology book by Annie Dillard which explores both the wonder and horror displayed in Creation. Very interesting and even beautiful at times, but very difficult to read. The descriptions of her experiences with the Spirit of God in nature really hit home in me.
A book which I have been trying to read for almost two years now, "'Hunting Trips of a Ranchman' and 'The Wilderness Hunter'" by Theodore Roosevelt, saw its completion on this trip. Roosevelt's descriptions of the West and life on the old prairie are the stuff of legend: tales of hunting grizzly bears, sleeping in buffalo robes, and heading out on horseback for days with nothing but a blanket, a gun, and some bread and water.
I also began reading some Henry David Thoreau, whose writings were referenced by Krakauer and Dillard. His longings for solitude in nature, yet also true friendship, also echo deep in my soul. I have yet to finish the compilation of his works I am reading, though, so I have not fully developed my thoughts on him yet.
Now, before finishing up, let me quickly explain the Barter Faire, which I mentioned in passing earlier. It is actually called the Okanogan Family Faire, and is located roughly in central Washington. The fair takes place over about five days, and is a combination of a giant farmers' market, a music festival, a county fair, and a hippie festival...and I am very serious about the hippies. This place was almost like a dream come true for me: trading vegetables for other goods, working and having fun at the same time, and giant, intense drum circles all night long. Yes, drum circles. The event was basically the end of our time working at the farm, and certainly was a great way to finish the season, as Simon told us it would be.
All in all, my time in Idaho served to shape me more fully as a man. I will always have room to grow, of course, but I can identify very specific areas of growth. First, again as mentioned earlier, my resolve was strengthened. Through helping me identify what I truly value in life (that is, who and whose opinions are important to me, my true passions and life goals, and the lifestyle I want to pursue), God strengthened my motivation to take certain steps. These include: moving out of the Lansing area and living with my friend Andrew (who is also trying to move forward in life and chase the westward dream), educating myself on geology and paleontology for now, and saving up to move to Durango, CO as soon as possible. Several occurrences prior to my departure and the lessons I learned while in Idaho have made it clear that the time to sit and wait is over: now is the time for action. So, Andrew and I are moving to Grand Rapids this January, where we will be working and getting ready to eventually move away.
Second, I learned about working hard and working over your scheduled time in order to complete a job. Perhaps it was easier because I enjoyed the job so much, but my time on the farm helped me understand the importance of work in life. I do not view work as a bad thing, or as something I must do in order to make a living, but rather as an opportunity to serve others and build up oneself at the same time. I used to complain about staying late at previous jobs, but now I see doing the work well and seeing it to completion is actually quite personally rewarding.
Third, making this trip happen was in itself a very important moment of growth. I have never done something this "crazy" before, but after being on the farm for a few weeks I realised it was not so crazy after all. In fact, it felt right...and almost normal. This realisation was very important for my life in the future. Now I can see doing things like this is both very possible and absolutely fantastic.
I hope this sheds more light on what the trip meant to me. Naturally, there is still much left unsaid, but such is life. I would like to express all the lessons I learned, ways I grew, and experiences I had to all of you, but I simply cannot. They are my own, and belong to no other.
Please, I urge you to take the step you are too afraid to take, shoot for the goal you think impossible, and make your own dreams come true. It can be done, and once you try, you will be living life on a new level. Then, the lessons, growth, and experiences will be all yours. Then, God will show you things about yourself you never imagined.
Peace.
Most of you have heard my trip to Idaho was full of rewarding work and beautiful scenery. I could stop there, and it would be entirely accurate...but for those who want more, allow me to expound.
The trip out was an experience in and of itself. My friend Taylor and I camped in National Forests for free most of the way. We heard wolves in the mountains near one campsite, slept practically on the Continental Divide, and paid an arm and a leg to do next to nothing in Yellowstone National Park.
Once we got to the farm, things got even better. It was situated between three separate ranges of the Rockies (the Selkirks, Purcells, and Cabinets), and was far from any serious human clutter and noise. There was a small line of mountains right behind the farm, and I summited two of the peaks in one day: Line Point and Goat Mountain. Unfortunately, I neglected to plan well enough and almost had to spend the night on a mountainside in grizzly bear country. Heh, whoops.
The job itself was great. Good, hard work four days a week, and three-day weekends. I also realised how much farm work of this sort suits me. This should not have come as a surprise to me, as almost my entire family is comprised of farmers going back generations. I would strongly consider working for a similar farm (or even the same one) full-time whenever I settle down.
Our time on the farm (Ronniger's Organics, in case you were wondering) did include one very untimely event, though. Another intern who had been working there since around May shot and killed himself in his own cabin, which was just a hundred or so yards from our cabin and the owners' home. This came as a shock to everyone, and made things hard for quite some time. I have never dealt with death before, and especially not suicide. I am unsure what else to say about it, really...I was not particularly close to him, but our boss Simon was good friends with him, and he took it very hard for a while. Taylor and I just tried to keep our minds off it.
Changing topics completely now, I kept a journal every single day of the trip except five days while we were at the Barter Faire, which I will discuss later. Journaling regularly is something I have always wanted to do, but have never felt quite able or motivated enough to actually accomplish. It truly helped me to process my thoughts on a daily basis, kept me reading and writing, and strengthened my resolve to pursue some of my personal goals. I may post one or two journal entries here when I get the chance. I used my journal to also practice writing in general, and it is full of edits, so the posts will not be as raw as they are in their current state.
As I mentioned, I also read quite a bit. I finished "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer, the story of Chris McCandless, who abandoned everything he had after college to search for something...purpose, himself, the meaning of life, a real existence, God...he died alone in the Alaskan wilderness. His search, though, resounded in my soul, and showed what one young man can (and cannot) do if he sets his mind to it.
Next, I read "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," an abstract Christian nature theology book by Annie Dillard which explores both the wonder and horror displayed in Creation. Very interesting and even beautiful at times, but very difficult to read. The descriptions of her experiences with the Spirit of God in nature really hit home in me.
A book which I have been trying to read for almost two years now, "'Hunting Trips of a Ranchman' and 'The Wilderness Hunter'" by Theodore Roosevelt, saw its completion on this trip. Roosevelt's descriptions of the West and life on the old prairie are the stuff of legend: tales of hunting grizzly bears, sleeping in buffalo robes, and heading out on horseback for days with nothing but a blanket, a gun, and some bread and water.
I also began reading some Henry David Thoreau, whose writings were referenced by Krakauer and Dillard. His longings for solitude in nature, yet also true friendship, also echo deep in my soul. I have yet to finish the compilation of his works I am reading, though, so I have not fully developed my thoughts on him yet.
Now, before finishing up, let me quickly explain the Barter Faire, which I mentioned in passing earlier. It is actually called the Okanogan Family Faire, and is located roughly in central Washington. The fair takes place over about five days, and is a combination of a giant farmers' market, a music festival, a county fair, and a hippie festival...and I am very serious about the hippies. This place was almost like a dream come true for me: trading vegetables for other goods, working and having fun at the same time, and giant, intense drum circles all night long. Yes, drum circles. The event was basically the end of our time working at the farm, and certainly was a great way to finish the season, as Simon told us it would be.
All in all, my time in Idaho served to shape me more fully as a man. I will always have room to grow, of course, but I can identify very specific areas of growth. First, again as mentioned earlier, my resolve was strengthened. Through helping me identify what I truly value in life (that is, who and whose opinions are important to me, my true passions and life goals, and the lifestyle I want to pursue), God strengthened my motivation to take certain steps. These include: moving out of the Lansing area and living with my friend Andrew (who is also trying to move forward in life and chase the westward dream), educating myself on geology and paleontology for now, and saving up to move to Durango, CO as soon as possible. Several occurrences prior to my departure and the lessons I learned while in Idaho have made it clear that the time to sit and wait is over: now is the time for action. So, Andrew and I are moving to Grand Rapids this January, where we will be working and getting ready to eventually move away.
Second, I learned about working hard and working over your scheduled time in order to complete a job. Perhaps it was easier because I enjoyed the job so much, but my time on the farm helped me understand the importance of work in life. I do not view work as a bad thing, or as something I must do in order to make a living, but rather as an opportunity to serve others and build up oneself at the same time. I used to complain about staying late at previous jobs, but now I see doing the work well and seeing it to completion is actually quite personally rewarding.
Third, making this trip happen was in itself a very important moment of growth. I have never done something this "crazy" before, but after being on the farm for a few weeks I realised it was not so crazy after all. In fact, it felt right...and almost normal. This realisation was very important for my life in the future. Now I can see doing things like this is both very possible and absolutely fantastic.
I hope this sheds more light on what the trip meant to me. Naturally, there is still much left unsaid, but such is life. I would like to express all the lessons I learned, ways I grew, and experiences I had to all of you, but I simply cannot. They are my own, and belong to no other.
Please, I urge you to take the step you are too afraid to take, shoot for the goal you think impossible, and make your own dreams come true. It can be done, and once you try, you will be living life on a new level. Then, the lessons, growth, and experiences will be all yours. Then, God will show you things about yourself you never imagined.
Peace.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Pictures
So, things have been getting crazy at the Furnace prayer room I've been going to lately. God has been building me up, teaching me, and drawing me closer to Himself in this short time...more so than I expected would ever happen in any less than a year, ha. I've been learning the importance of allowing God to speak His truths to us through our imaginations. Kind of a weird thought at first, but man, God has done some pretty cool things through this. The director of the Furnace told me today it would be a good idea to write these down, so here we go.
At the Collegiate Day of Prayer nearly a month ago, I was having a hard time worshiping for some reason. I was just distracted and couldn't focus on God as much as I wanted to. As I tried to focus on Him, I suddenly got a picture in my head, like I was standing a few feet back looking at myself. Everything started to get darker, including myself, as I watched. It felt like there was a huge pressure building inside me, and little beams of light started to crack out of my body as I watched. It was like the power and light of the whole sun was just barely being contained inside me...the Holy Spirit. That's what He's like. God used that to re-focus me on Him so I could worship Him without being distracted. Then, a couple minutes later when I sat down, the same thing happened again. This time, I could feel the pressure rise even more, and all of a sudden....BOOM! I watched myself explode in a ball of light! Whoa. That is the kind of light that is in us as children of God: explosive, all-encompassing, unstoppable light. Wow.
A couple Mondays ago, I was worshiping at the Furnace, and praying that God would heal me because I was really sick. I pictured myself before the throne of God and the Lamb Who was wounded so I could be healed. As I pictured Jesus as the Lamb...He looked at me, and I could feel it. Then He started walking toward me from the throne. Whoa. As if that wasn't enough...I could feel the Holy Spirit in me focus His attention on me, and then the Father put His gaze upon me. WHOA. I felt the weight of the gaze of the Almighty God bearing down on me in love and majesty, and it was almost too much to handle. Wow, God loves me and each one of His children SO MUCH! I spent half of the rest of my time there unable to stop shaking, haha. Definitely the most spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically intense experience I've ever had.
Just last night I spent a long time talking and praying with my good friend Justin. During that time, God used him to really convict me about a part of my life that he knew was really causing me stress because I hadn't given it to God yet. We talked it out for quite a while, and God softened my heart enough so that I was finally ready to fully give it over to Him (I know this is vague, but it's close to my heart, and this was even harder to give to Him than Colorado was). After we prayed and asked God to take my plans and expectations, I sat up and got a picture of Jesus standing before me. He looked at me and gave a kind of sideways smile. He was holding the plans I just gave Him, and I got the impression that He was incredibly excited that I had finally given them up to Him. He had been waiting for years (which is nothing to Him, I know) for this, and after He showed me how excited He was, He turned and immediately began working on His own plan for me. Awesome. People I met today commented on how I looked a lot happier than previously, like my face was shining, haha. Well, it's hard, but everything is better when you surrender to Jesus's plan and don't keep anything from Him.
There's more...but these are some of the more intense and personally meaningful pictures God has shown me. Pretty sweet. God likes to use our imaginations to reveal more of His beauty and love, and to show us things we can't physically see. I love it.
Peace.
At the Collegiate Day of Prayer nearly a month ago, I was having a hard time worshiping for some reason. I was just distracted and couldn't focus on God as much as I wanted to. As I tried to focus on Him, I suddenly got a picture in my head, like I was standing a few feet back looking at myself. Everything started to get darker, including myself, as I watched. It felt like there was a huge pressure building inside me, and little beams of light started to crack out of my body as I watched. It was like the power and light of the whole sun was just barely being contained inside me...the Holy Spirit. That's what He's like. God used that to re-focus me on Him so I could worship Him without being distracted. Then, a couple minutes later when I sat down, the same thing happened again. This time, I could feel the pressure rise even more, and all of a sudden....BOOM! I watched myself explode in a ball of light! Whoa. That is the kind of light that is in us as children of God: explosive, all-encompassing, unstoppable light. Wow.
A couple Mondays ago, I was worshiping at the Furnace, and praying that God would heal me because I was really sick. I pictured myself before the throne of God and the Lamb Who was wounded so I could be healed. As I pictured Jesus as the Lamb...He looked at me, and I could feel it. Then He started walking toward me from the throne. Whoa. As if that wasn't enough...I could feel the Holy Spirit in me focus His attention on me, and then the Father put His gaze upon me. WHOA. I felt the weight of the gaze of the Almighty God bearing down on me in love and majesty, and it was almost too much to handle. Wow, God loves me and each one of His children SO MUCH! I spent half of the rest of my time there unable to stop shaking, haha. Definitely the most spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically intense experience I've ever had.
Just last night I spent a long time talking and praying with my good friend Justin. During that time, God used him to really convict me about a part of my life that he knew was really causing me stress because I hadn't given it to God yet. We talked it out for quite a while, and God softened my heart enough so that I was finally ready to fully give it over to Him (I know this is vague, but it's close to my heart, and this was even harder to give to Him than Colorado was). After we prayed and asked God to take my plans and expectations, I sat up and got a picture of Jesus standing before me. He looked at me and gave a kind of sideways smile. He was holding the plans I just gave Him, and I got the impression that He was incredibly excited that I had finally given them up to Him. He had been waiting for years (which is nothing to Him, I know) for this, and after He showed me how excited He was, He turned and immediately began working on His own plan for me. Awesome. People I met today commented on how I looked a lot happier than previously, like my face was shining, haha. Well, it's hard, but everything is better when you surrender to Jesus's plan and don't keep anything from Him.
There's more...but these are some of the more intense and personally meaningful pictures God has shown me. Pretty sweet. God likes to use our imaginations to reveal more of His beauty and love, and to show us things we can't physically see. I love it.
Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
