Monday, November 18, 2013

Solitude

So, not quite in contrast to my last post, but rather in spite of it, I have been feeling rather solitary since getting back from Idaho. We did not spend very much time around groups of people; it was really just Taylor, myself, and the farm owners most of the time. This probably had an effect on me. Fortunately, one result of this has been an increase in reading, which is great. I did not read for pleasure all through college, and it has taken some time for me to get back into the habit even after graduating. Since I have not spent much time around groups of people, I have also had a lot more time to think to myself. Being a natural introvert, all of this has been wonderful for me.

At the same time, it has felt a little strange. I have felt less inclined to take part in social situations. I suppose you could say I have been "peopled out." One-on-one time with friends has always appealed to me more, but now even more so than before. I do not think it is a bad thing, just a slight change.

I am still reading through some works of Thoreau, and probably will continue for some time. So far, he has really hit home in me with a lot of his ideas about nature and life. He strongly thinks that what happens to a man in nature can almost never be bad. Mosquitoes, cold weather, damp clothes...he practically embraces these experiences. The crazy part is...I feel similarly. We think that warmth and little work are the best ways to live; I would rather say many "comforts" keep us from actually living. To me, the wind howling through the treetops is a better comfort than the air conditioner on a hot day; a walk in the rain better than reclining on a couch; sleeping on the ground better than in a bed; the bite of a mosquito better than spending my days protected from the world; soggy shoes better than feet which are only used to go to work and back.

"Cold and damp are as rich experiences as warmth and dryness." ~ Thoreau

When you remove the mindset of "cold and damp are bad things and must be avoided at all costs," it really changes how you live. You become less afraid of "uncomfortable" experiences, and even begin to embrace them. Not only are those things full of their own richness of experience (strange as that may seem to some), but they serve to magnify the experiences we normally seek out. Sitting in front of a fire reading a book is infinitely more enjoyable and relaxing after a hard day's work in the field with wet shoes, for example. Changing my perspective on comfort was a very important moment for me, and it is continually helping me to live life more fully.

Peace.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Happiness

So, as explained extensively in my last post, I feel bit different since returning from Idaho. One of ways this has been manifesting is in my general attitude on life. I may not sound much different to some, but inside I feel much more content with life. Life just seems better, more do-able. Maybe it is a result of all the other things which I realised while I was out West, or maybe it is a separate product of the trip, but I just plain feel better. Things which used to bother me a lot have much less of an effect on me. I also used to be very self-conscious, often thinking I was a bother to others or I had to be funny or useful to prove myself to those around me. My time in Idaho turned out to be a big self-esteem booster. Now, I understand more of my value as a person and son of God.

To be honest, I cannot recall when I have been so optimistic about life. Perhaps this is a result of dealing with a suicide while I was in Idaho; perhaps it was making the decision to move there and following through with it; perhaps it stems from all the reading I have been doing; perhaps it is through becoming reconnected to my lifelong dreams. Whatever the cause, I feel much more capable to succeed in life, and the little things which normally get in the way are unable to bring me down.

Thank You, God, for whatever You have done in me.

Peace.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Westward 2013, debrief

SO, blogosphere, it appears that the King of the Wild Frontier has returned from his latest adventure and is ready to resume his online thought processing!

Most of you have heard my trip to Idaho was full of rewarding work and beautiful scenery. I could stop there, and it would be entirely accurate...but for those who want more, allow me to expound.

The trip out was an experience in and of itself. My friend Taylor and I camped in National Forests for free most of the way. We heard wolves in the mountains near one campsite, slept practically on the Continental Divide, and paid an arm and a leg to do next to nothing in Yellowstone National Park.

Once we got to the farm, things got even better. It was situated between three separate ranges of the Rockies (the Selkirks, Purcells, and Cabinets), and was far from any serious human clutter and noise. There was a small line of mountains right behind the farm, and I summited two of the peaks in one day: Line Point and Goat Mountain. Unfortunately, I neglected to plan well enough and almost had to spend the night on a mountainside in grizzly bear country. Heh, whoops.

The job itself was great. Good, hard work four days a week, and three-day weekends. I also realised how much farm work of this sort suits me. This should not have come as a surprise to me, as almost my entire family is comprised of farmers going back generations. I would strongly consider working for a similar farm (or even the same one) full-time whenever I settle down.

Our time on the farm (Ronniger's Organics, in case you were wondering) did include one very untimely event, though. Another intern who had been working there since around May shot and killed himself in his own cabin, which was just a hundred or so yards from our cabin and the owners' home. This came as a shock to everyone, and made things hard for quite some time. I have never dealt with death before, and especially not suicide. I am unsure what else to say about it, really...I was not particularly close to him, but our boss Simon was good friends with him, and he took it very hard for a while. Taylor and I just tried to keep our minds off it.

Changing topics completely now, I kept a journal every single day of the trip except five days while we were at the Barter Faire, which I will discuss later. Journaling regularly is something I have always wanted to do, but have never felt quite able or motivated enough to actually accomplish. It truly helped me to process my thoughts on a daily basis, kept me reading and writing, and strengthened my resolve to pursue some of my personal goals. I may post one or two journal entries here when I get the chance. I used my journal to also practice writing in general, and it is full of edits, so the posts will not be as raw as they are in their current state.

As I mentioned, I also read quite a bit. I finished "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer, the story of Chris McCandless, who abandoned everything he had after college to search for something...purpose, himself, the meaning of life, a real existence, God...he died alone in the Alaskan wilderness. His search, though, resounded in my soul, and showed what one young man can (and cannot) do if he sets his mind to it.

Next, I read "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," an abstract Christian nature theology book by Annie Dillard which explores both the wonder and horror displayed in Creation. Very interesting and even beautiful at times, but very difficult to read. The descriptions of her experiences with the Spirit of God in nature really hit home in me.

A book which I have been trying to read for almost two years now, "'Hunting Trips of a Ranchman' and 'The Wilderness Hunter'" by Theodore Roosevelt, saw its completion on this trip. Roosevelt's descriptions of the West and life on the old prairie are the stuff of legend: tales of hunting grizzly bears, sleeping in buffalo robes, and heading out on horseback for days with nothing but a blanket, a gun, and some bread and water.

I also began reading some Henry David Thoreau, whose writings were referenced by Krakauer and Dillard. His longings for solitude in nature, yet also true friendship, also echo deep in my soul. I have yet to finish the compilation of his works I am reading, though, so I have not fully developed my thoughts on him yet.

Now, before finishing up, let me quickly explain the Barter Faire, which I mentioned in passing earlier. It is actually called the Okanogan Family Faire, and is located roughly in central Washington. The fair takes place over about five days, and is a combination of a giant farmers' market, a music festival, a county fair, and a hippie festival...and I am very serious about the hippies. This place was almost like a dream come true for me: trading vegetables for other goods, working and having fun at the same time, and giant, intense drum circles all night long. Yes, drum circles. The event was basically the end of our time working at the farm, and certainly was a great way to finish the season, as Simon told us it would be.

All in all, my time in Idaho served to shape me more fully as a man. I will always have room to grow, of course, but I can identify very specific areas of growth. First, again as mentioned earlier, my resolve was strengthened. Through helping me identify what I truly value in life (that is, who and whose opinions are important to me, my true passions and life goals, and the lifestyle I want to pursue), God strengthened my motivation to take certain steps. These include: moving out of the Lansing area and living with my friend Andrew (who is also trying to move forward in life and chase the westward dream), educating myself on geology and paleontology for now, and saving up to move to Durango, CO as soon as possible. Several occurrences prior to my departure and the lessons I learned while in Idaho have made it clear that the time to sit and wait is over: now is the time for action. So, Andrew and I are moving to Grand Rapids this January, where we will be working and getting ready to eventually move away.

Second, I learned about working hard and working over your scheduled time in order to complete a job. Perhaps it was easier because I enjoyed the job so much, but my time on the farm helped me understand the importance of work in life. I do not view work as a bad thing, or as something I must do in order to make a living, but rather as an opportunity to serve others and build up oneself at the same time. I used to complain about staying late at previous jobs, but now I see doing the work well and seeing it to completion is actually quite personally rewarding.

Third, making this trip happen was in itself a very important moment of growth. I have never done something this "crazy" before, but after being on the farm for a few weeks I realised it was not so crazy after all. In fact, it felt right...and almost normal. This realisation was very important for my life in the future. Now I can see doing things like this is both very possible and absolutely fantastic.

I hope this sheds more light on what the trip meant to me. Naturally, there is still much left unsaid, but such is life. I would like to express all the lessons I learned, ways I grew, and experiences I had to all of you, but I simply cannot. They are my own, and belong to no other.

Please, I urge you to take the step you are too afraid to take, shoot for the goal you think impossible, and make your own dreams come true. It can be done, and once you try, you will be living life on a new level. Then, the lessons, growth, and experiences will be all yours. Then, God will show you things about yourself you never imagined.

Peace.