So, I guess it's time for a "relationships" post once again. Meh. Last night, I had several chats with various people about relationships. One thing in particular which was discussed which I have thought about a lot previously is the complexity of the relationships between guys and girls here at Spring Arbor as opposed to most other places outside of the Arb. In my own experience in regards to dating-type relationships at places like Spring Arbor, instead of of just saying, "You know, I don't think this is going to work out," or just expressing that you don't want to be in a relationship with the particular person, the God card gets thrown out there. I've been on the receiving end of it before: "I just don't think it's God's will," or, "I want to stay together, but I feel like it's not what God wants me to do right now." Trust me, I've worked long and hard with my own bitterness and cynicism in these matters (bitticism, as I called the combination in a post long ago), and I'm not talking about my own experiences to just vent. I am just frustrated that I still see these same situations going on ALL around campus. Things do not need to be as complicated as they are. Another aspect of this complexity which I see is simple friendships between guys and girls. We overanalyze everything. "Oh, this person wants to hang out, they must like me..." etc. If we were all just real and intentional in our relationships, we wouldn't need to overanalyze things like this.
I guess that's all I have to say right now. Let's get some responses!
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11 comments:
Yep, been on both sides of the God card being played. It doesn't really work all that well, but can't be argued with well without sounding like a heathen. I have to wonder too if the complexities are because we're so busy at a Christian university analyzing our relationship with God instead of being intentional and real with Him, and this overflows into our earthly relationships...
Yeah, actually being in a relationship, it's really hard not to play that card based off your own feelings, which is why recently I have kept everything to the level of my own thoughts, informed by God but not necessarily of God. Big difference that I think a lot of people (including myself) are missing, or at least hit-and-miss.
As for the analyzing part that Zachariah mentioned, it is absolutely and completely true, unfortunately.
hmmmmm... can I ask why we can't all just be friends? I see nothing wrong with having plain old-fashioned friends. Or maybe everyone should just try to be celibate? I feel like we've been taught to overanalyze so we can stay ahead of "the game", but that doesn't really seem like trusting God.
Thanks for the responses, all.
Interesting thought, Zach. We are told to analyze everything all the time...maybe we should just calm down a bit. lol.
Yeah, Rissa, I've definitely played the card myself. It doesn't feel right afterward...Paul Patton himself gave a really good chapel message once about taking God's name in vain and how it applies to everything we use His name for, including situations like these.
Alyssa, if everyone were celibate, humans would cease to exist. lol. I do agree that overanalyzing is something we have been taught, though, or maybe even a habit we pick up ourselves in order to try to know what the next step is. Some things do need to be analyzed, yes, but overanalyzing is unnecesary and certainly takes away from trusting in God.
One of the worst things about the God card when it does get played is that it often turns the conversation into an "I'm right and you're wrong" situation. I agree with Zach on this; It is a card that, once played, cannot be refuted or even further discussed by the party that is on the receiving end of the card without being religiously questioned. That is one of the reasons why the God card can be so destructive, even though I think that some people have good intentions for the other party when they play it. I think that sometimes girls may use it as one more attempt to not hurt a guy's feelings. Thus, the card can be played and then the person who played it has the ability to walk away without having further dating discussions with the other party. Furthermore, the user of the card usually does not have to see how the results directly affected the other party emotionally, relationally, etc.
YOU ARE ALL HEATHENS AND SHOULD REPENT. AHAHHAHAHAHA!
But...yeah...potential spouse syndrome...
Cameron. I don't even know what you're trying to say. lol.
All I can say is that it doesn't just exist at SAU. And I know I'm a little late for this discussion, but cut me a break. This was just posted yesterday ;-)
While I am at church or at work and I bring up that so-and-so talked to me, my family & co-workers instantly assume that I am interested in said person and that he must be interested in me... It's very frustrating when I'm not ready to date yet.
In addition to, I definitely over analyze everything. I want to blame it on being a 'girl' but that's a silly excuse. Being real and intentional is hard when being around people. No one wants to be 'real' for fear of rejection. While that seems silly, it appears to be my experience on things...
Now, as far as the whole 'God' card - that's just retarded. If a person doesn't want to be with someone, tell them. Rather than displace the 'cause of the breakup'...
Urghh. I have been on the receiving end of that card before and it sucks because then you're left to wonder and pray and hope for some divine answer and perhaps you never get one... all because someone was simply too chicken to tell you the truth.
Sorry if that seems all over the place....
Haha, it wasn't too "all over the place." I agree with all that, thanks for the post!
Bitticism?! That's hardcore. About "the God card," just try to remember that you that happening at SAU because most students are there to intentionally follow Christ deeper, and it can be hard to do so accurately when you throw our own feelings in the mix.
A girl i dated at SAU was 1 of the top 3 most important things in my life, and it wasn't always 1) God 2)her 3)myself. I lost sight of my priorities and when things got really rough (as will happen when priorities are not straight), i thought about transferring to a different college. Long story short, i was frustrated with SAU but i was also scared that my girlfriend might not be "the one." That fear helped lead to our break up. All this to say it was a genuine "not sure if God wants us together."
And dude, i remember that Patton Chapel!
~Jacob
Wow, can i edit my first paragraph please? I meant to say "just try to remember to be understanding. I think the "God card" happens at SAU because most students are there to intentionally follow Christ deeper, and it can be hard to do so accurately when we throw our own feelings into the mix.
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