Things have been building up lately: my dislike of school, my irritability, my frustration with myself, my desire to get closer to God (ironically, after the first three), and my stress with homework, which I'm making worse even now by writing this post...but oh well.
Even through my failure to keep up my end of a healthy relationship with God, He still has been teaching me various lessons lately. Time management would be one, being the one issue which has been interfering most with my relationship with Him. I'm really good at procrastinating and distracting myself from what needs to be done, which has been affecting pretty much everything in my life in some way or another.
One of the biggest things God has been weighing on me about lately is my attitude toward others. I've come to the realization that I am not a very encouraging person. I mean, I can be when I feel like I really need to be, but that's really not very often, and my language in general is mostly not good for building people up. I intend to change that, with God's help. I've already set a goal to encourage a set number of people this week, but I would like to not even worry about the number and just do it. Are we not supposed to be doing so anyway? Fail. I've been doing some serious self-analyzing lately, and my life is not matching up to what it should look like if I were truly letting Jesus live through me. Sigh. I have so much to say, but only a few words to articulate it with. I'm looking forward to, and yet terrified of, whatever God's will is for my life.
If it seems like my thoughts are jumping around, I'm sorry. Our chaplain, Ron Kopicko, spoke at Deeper tonight, and it really affected me. I realized how many people on this campus are hurting and need love, and how calloused I've become to that fact. I've been so focused on myself lately, even though I didn't realize it, that I've blinded myself to others' needs.
I know this is all pretty scatterbrained, but that's the way I feel right now. I just needed to write some of it out. Thanks for reading.
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1 comment:
i appreciate your thoughts and your honesty. i'm not saying this to make you feel better but you are one of the few who encourage me, when i need it most, truly. I understand where you are coming from. I am an encourager but find it much easier to make a joke then to encourage which is terrible. It's something we all need to work on.
You are loved by ME!
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