Reminders

So, this morning I woke up with some weird, painful scrapes on two of my right-hand fingers. I don't remember getting them at all, but I guess I probably scraped my fingers between spaces in my bunk. I was thinking about it, and I thought, "Man, it would be crazy if I had woken up with scars on my wrists. That would be a good reminder of how I've been crucified with Christ. It would make remembering a lot easier." Seriously? Do we need this kind of crap to remind us of what should be the most important part of our lives...not even just the most important part of our lives, but our very lives??? Sometimes I imagine using tattoos in the same way, as reminders for myself. Is this really necessary, though? I reminded myself a lot of the Pharisees in Mark 8:11-12. They came to Jesus seeking a sign...not a sign in the same way I am referring, but let's roll with this anyway for now. Jesus told them their generation would not be given a sign, and then He left. After all I have seen God do in my life and in others', how can I still be in the shoes of the Pharisees, looking for signs and things to strengthen my faith with, when I have already seen enough signs, and when I should be letting Christ strengthen me instead of looking for material things to help.

"Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." - John 20:30-31

Peace.

Le sigh.

So, here I am again, typing out a blog post at a ridiculously late (early?) hour because I can't sleep. I've already gone to bed twice in the a.m. hours of the night, and failed to sleep both times. At this point, I'm thinking of just staying up.

I was up very late last night as well. In fact, I was up later than I am now, although I almost certainly would've been able to sleep had I tried. However, I was up having a chat with a friend who needed some guidance. This time is probably the side effects of not going to bed until almost 6 a.m. and then sleeping in until 1 p.m.

I also have a lot of thoughts running through my mind which are driving me insane. I can't stop thinking, which isn't helping me get to sleep either. I'm probably not going to share these thoughts at the moment, though. Anticlimactic, right?

Anyways, one update which may or may not be of interest to anyone reading is that my frustrations I talked about a couple posts ago (another night of insomnia as well, ironically) are becoming less of an issue. God is slowly changing me and giving me a renewed desire to spend more time with Him, and I love it. Even thought I feel like crap because of lack of sleep, I don't feel like my relationship with God is in the crapper anymore. I've been spending my time more wisely, especially since last week's Deeper.

Well, I'm going to try to tire myself or something, I guess, because I really want to sleep.

Peace.

Oh, Christian universities...

So, I guess it's time for a "relationships" post once again. Meh. Last night, I had several chats with various people about relationships. One thing in particular which was discussed which I have thought about a lot previously is the complexity of the relationships between guys and girls here at Spring Arbor as opposed to most other places outside of the Arb. In my own experience in regards to dating-type relationships at places like Spring Arbor, instead of of just saying, "You know, I don't think this is going to work out," or just expressing that you don't want to be in a relationship with the particular person, the God card gets thrown out there. I've been on the receiving end of it before: "I just don't think it's God's will," or, "I want to stay together, but I feel like it's not what God wants me to do right now." Trust me, I've worked long and hard with my own bitterness and cynicism in these matters (bitticism, as I called the combination in a post long ago), and I'm not talking about my own experiences to just vent. I am just frustrated that I still see these same situations going on ALL around campus. Things do not need to be as complicated as they are. Another aspect of this complexity which I see is simple friendships between guys and girls. We overanalyze everything. "Oh, this person wants to hang out, they must like me..." etc. If we were all just real and intentional in our relationships, we wouldn't need to overanalyze things like this.

I guess that's all I have to say right now. Let's get some responses!

PARTY TIME.

So, this week has been interesting. I've hit some really deep lows in my relationship with God, and yet had some great new hopes for renewal at the same time. Ron started Deeper up again this week, and it was phenomenal. Ron is so passionate about wanting us to truly follow Christ...it's ridiculous how often we forget about all he has to say.

This week, he talked about revival. He compared revival to a party. Why aren't we overflowing with joy and love toward each other? CHRIST has COME. Why aren't we praising God all day long in our actions toward others? We should be frickin CELEBRATING, not mourning the fact that Christ hasn't come back yet, like many do.

I guess that's all I have for now.

Peace.

ughhhhhh

So, here I sit at 3:20 am, typing out a blog because I can't sleep. I would really appreciate sleep at this point, but whatevs.

I've been thinking as I lay in bed. I've realized through my own actions lately that I've been going back to some of my old habits, and they totally snuck back in without me realizing it. Arrogance. The "I'm right, you're wrong" syndrome. I hate feeling like a jerk, and yet at the same time, I'm so good at it. I feel like I was somewhat rude to a friend of mine who stopped by my room this evening who doesn't come by often, and I felt like they left less happy because of the way I was acting. That's been bothering me. I've realized that since I got back to school, my relationship with God has come to an almost complete standstill. The funny thing is...I am not even taking a class right now. I'm waiting to start job training for campus safety next week, and I'm just chillin at school with nothing to do at ALL until then. So, why am I not closer to God? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I have all the time in the world to give to Him, and I have completely wasted almost all of it since I got back to school. I've been playing silly games, playing guitar, hanging out with people, sleeping, and just doing nothing in general. None of these things are necesarily bad, but I have completely made this time off about entertaining myself until I have something to do. Oh my gosh. The very thing I so adamantly advocate against to everyone around me (spending time foolishly without thinking of or spending any of it with God) has become my lifestyle as of late.

Well, tomorrow's Sunday, and this idiot has to lead worship bright and early...epic fail.

Thank You, God, that Your mercies are new each morning...thank You, God, that You never leave our sides, even when we try so hard to run away from You...even when we try to take a sledgehammer to the walls of Your kingdom, You call us back inside. I am so foolish and messed up. I want to do better. After lunch tomorrow, I don't have anything going on again all day...so I'm going to take a break from all the nothing I've been doing and just sit in silence with God and His Word.

Peace.

"...Flippant and familiar..."

A quote I read today:

"The people who are flippant and familiar are those who have never yet been introduced to Jesus Christ." - Oswald Chambers

Dag, yo. I don't know if that statement convicted anyone else, but I was sure feelin it. I come to God regularly with an attitude of familiarity, having expectations and arrogant ideas that I am somehow knowledgeable regarding the Almighty. Oswald Chambers says if we come to God like this and have never experienced the mystery of God, we have never truly know Him. I'm not questioning my own salvation here; however, I will attest that it's fairly easy to fall into this type of attitude if you're not careful. We come to God without respect, mouthing words of false praise which mean nothing, and then expect Him to honor our prayers. I would go as far to say this is asking without faith, as spoken of in James 1. By taking this attitude in approaching God, we doubt His holy mystery, we doubt His might, we doubt His knowledge, we doubt His presence. Of course, you're saying, "I am doing no such thing!" However, with an attitude in which we assume to understand Who God really is, we put ourselves on His level and call ourselves gods...as if we don't do that enough in our daily actions, we do it in approaching the One True God as well. God's full being and character is far beyond out limited comprehension, yet we think we truly know Him. Ugh. I far too often fall into this trap of arrogance. I need to do some serious work in my life, and start really living "4Him" "For Today."

In other news, I was going to help my friend Mike move from Grand Rapids to Lansing tomorrow, but he called me and said he's not quite organized enough for it yet, so that plan fell through. My mom gave me a bunch of gas money for the trip, though...so, I had the idea of going to visit my dear Uncle Wookie tomorrow instead. I called him up, and I guess there's a chance he might be substitute teaching, but he doesn't know yet. So, he's going to call me in the morning and let me know what's goin down. Apparently, he has some cheap Christmas present for me, hehe. Last year, he gave me a tiny little toy velociraptor (which still has the bow attached, and has been affectionatly named "Muffin"), so I'm pretty excited to see what it is this year. Hopefully I'll be able to see him tomorrow!

Peace.